Errosion
by Caleigho Meer
Summary: The aftermath of one mistake and the backstory of why Leo left.
1. Chapter 1

Erosion

It had only been one mistake. One mistake, an inpulse, a twisted reflex of rage and pain and fear, and God only knew what else.  
Leo remembered that much. Splinter's words were still lingering in the air between them, something about patience and fortitude.  
Leo only remembered the snarl, the horrible sense of the last frayed bit of control snapping. His katana slicing the air in his aggitation, and then, the sickening groan from Splinter, as he cupped his bleeding ear and stared at Leo in silent anguish.

Leo remembered the katana clattering to the mat from his slack fingers. Rage fragmenting, the sudden tidal wave of choking regret and shock, as he fell to his knees pleading and sobbing.

Splinter shuddered at his outstretched hands, stepped away in fear.

Fear. Leo choked back the wail at the thought. His master, his father, feared him.

And now...Oh, God.

Splinter sighed, a long, sliver of overwhelming sadness and acceptance. And then, his featured hardened, when he almost timidly held out the fingers sullied with his own blood to Leo's ravaged stare.

"My son..." An anguished whisper as if Splinter was uncertain if the title still fit.

"Father..." An agonized, bewildered plea, as Leo lurched forward.

Splinter flinched, eyes narrowed and flickering towards Leo's bloodied fingers.

Leo bowed his head, as if waiting for the executioner's ax.

The old rat shut his eyes, and opened them in tears.

"I'm so sorry, Father." The words were broken.

Splinter's breath was bitten off as he rose, warily, neither attempting to condemn Leo, but worse yet, refusing to comfort him.

"Such rage endangers all of us, Leonardo. What, if in your anger, you had struck one of your brothers?'

Leo crumbled as Splinter softly continued, "Your anger has consumed you, Leonardo. And it is not safe for you, or your brothers to practice until it is controlled. Surrender your katana, and leave the dojo. You are forbidden to train."

The words seared, the disbelief made it mercifully numb. Leo's hands were almost trembling too much for him to unbuckle their sheaves, to work the straps off of his body. He felt the loss of leather against his plastron like an amputation.

It would have been kinder if Splinter had asked him to drive one of those blades through his flesh.

Splinter only watched in silence.

Leo reverently lay the katana at his feet, hands lingering for a long moment, knuckles white with the effort to let them go.

And giving Splinter one last tortured look, he slowly rose from his bow and fled while his legs would still hold him upright.

Splinter sat in the troubled silence. The flickering gold of candles,and the warmth of his tea gave him no comfort, the meditation had done nothing to clear his mind or yield any answers. It was a pitiful mercy that Leonardo's savage blow to his ear had only resulted in a slight cut. It was easily concealed by his fur, and not large enough to bandage.

But, this was not a wound inflicted by an enemy. This had been an injury from his own son. Leonardo, his beloved first born,  
his own.

Splinter's paw strayed to the cut as he sighed. He had felt the slice of pain, before he could comprehend who had inflicted it. And he found himself staring in shock.

Leonardo was staring dumbly at the blood dribbling down his kantana, as if he had never seen it before. He looked bewildered and lost as a child when he finally blinked and fractured.

Splinter warred between the instinct to comfort and the horror of the hurt. And, whether it was cruelty, or wisdom, he opted for the latter.

For the first time, he had been cruel to his own son, sending him out of the dojo, weaponless and disgraced and gutted.

Splinter knew that no blow he could inflict upon Leonardo could be so grievious. And then his trembling hand strayed to his ear.

What if Leonardo had done such a thing to one of his sons?

Splinter cringed at the sudden, searing realization that he had just referred to Leonardo as an enemy.  



	2. The growing rage

Leo sat, rigidly on the mat, feeling the loss of his katana as accutely as he would a severed limb. Shutting his eyes, he tried to force himself into the peace of meditation. Oblivion fractured with the weight of guilt. Splinter's bewildered, wounded eyes,as his seeking paw cupped his bleeding ear.

The slither of rage, the trembling, the sick, sick realization that Leo did not know for a tortured moment if he could stop.

Splinter's soft groan of breathed out pain, that said so much more than a scream ever could. And then, those eyes narrowed with rage as he scraped over Leo's guilt and savage hurt and dismissed it.

No comfort, no attempt to help Leo wrestle with this sudden crippling. No gentle brushing of paw that could calm the storm that was raging in his gut.

No, nothing more than the cruel order to surrender his swords and then the dismissal so sudden, it felt like a whip lash.

Leo trembled, as the thoughts became acidic, bitter. Curling against himself, he shut his eyes, and tried and failed to calm.

He bit his lip, attempted to conjure that wilted, injured look of his beloved master in a sad effort to stop the rage. It choked,  
tightened, swelled.

The anger clawed at him like a rabid animal, as he slowly exhaled. It wasn't working. It wasn't working at all. Bitterly, he shot to his feet, even more angered that his one true method of coping had collapsed.

He cast a longing glance back to the dojo. He would gladly give a year of his life if it meant that he could talk to Splinter, find something that could soothe, calm, quiet. But, the sting of dismissal burned across his thoughts, and he sat, rigid and rooted as a planted tree,rather than seeking out his master. Never before had he felt so condemned.

Mikey's bright laughter cut through his seething like a shard. He heard the inocent chuckle before Mikey bounced in like an eager colt. Smile widening, his baby brother actually plopped down on the mat beside him, curled an elbow to prop up his chin.

"Hey, Leo. Meditating again? Don't you ever-"

"Get out." Leo's snarl severed the merry babble into stunned silence.

Mikey's eyes were huge and hurt as he whispered, "Leo? What's wrong, bro? Are you alright?"

Leo tensed like a snake ready to strike as he only opened his burning eyes and bit off the words, "Get out."

Mikey saw the tremble from barely restrained rage, Leo's eyes as volital as an errupting storm. Scrambling to his feet,  
he raised placating palms as he retreated. "Okay, Leo. Whatever you say. I'm leaving, okay? I'm leaving right now."

Mikey backed away from him like he was a crouching tiger. Never, ever had he seen Leo so downright pissed.

"Look, Leo, I'm here for you, if you need to talk. But, I'll leave now, and let you deal with this funk or whatever it is, alright?"

Mikey only recieved Leo's seething glare in answer. Rigidly, Leo stared as he hastily retreated and did not drop his gaze until Mikey had fled.

Heedless of anything but his own hurt and tears, Mikey collided headlong into Raphael. Grunting and cussing, Raphael staggered, but righted himself irritably.

"What the hell, Mikey? Watch where you're goin', will ya?" Raphael groused, as he rubbed his sore elbow. Meekly, Mikey bowed his head and nodded, as he muttered the apology.

Raphael was about to let him go, when his eyes narrowed at the bright glare of tears, and the trembling. Gruffly, Raphael barked out,  
"What's wrong, Mikey? Why ya in tears?"

Mikey only shrugged, and shook his head. "It's nothing. Don't worry about it, Raph. It's not a big deal."

His grip tightened in warning. "Like hell it's not. What's wrong?"

Wincing, Mikey tried and failed to shrugg off the grip. Glaring at the dojo, he made no attempt to hide the whine. "Leo kicked me out of the dojo! I didn't even do anything but say hello to him, and he nearly bit my head off!"

"Ya sure that's all ya did to Fearless?" Raphael raised a skeptical eyeridge as Mikey huffed, indignantly. "Yes, Raph! That's all I did! And even if it isn't, what right does Leo have to kick me out of the dojo, anyway? Can't he meditate in his room?"

Raphael hitched a shoulder at that. "Alright, Mikey. Take it easy. I'm goin' in there anyway, Fearless ain't stupid enough to mess with me."

Irritably, Raphael let Mikey go, with a promise to "have words with Fearless." Sighing, and having nothing but the inocent intention of burning off some of his neverending restlessness, Raphael entered the dojo.


	3. Fracturing

The breath choked. Mikey's face crumbling into disbelieving hurt flickered across Leo's thoughts as he shifted and tried so hard to exhale some of the anger. It seethed in his veins, poisonous and potent as lava. Grew teeth, claws, bit down, and wouldn't let go.

What the hell was wrong with him?

Leo buried his aching head in the frail refuge of his hands, shoved the palms over his eyes and squelched the tears. Guilt seared,  
trickled through him, but did absolutely nothing to curtail the swell of rage. He was shaking and sick, trapped and helpless, and he didn't know what the hell to do.

He had hurt Splinter. Splinter, his sensai who had raised him, loved him, protected him. His master, who could have easily inflicted permanent and serious injury if Splinter had chosen to retaliate. Leo swallowed at the thought. Splinter considered striking children as punishment to be appallingly cruel.

Leo sighed, the crushing sense of loss and failure each weaving the strangling knots over his gut. The sickening toll kept parading itself through his thoughts. He had cut his own master, lost his swords, and made his baby brother flee.

For a moment, the hope lingered and he almost rose to his feet, to apologize, and restore, to make some of this right. His resolve trickled away when he remembered the sudden agony of Splinter's dismissal. And when he heard the footsteps on the dojo mat,  
he froze like a startled rabbit, rather than sliding back into the meditation.

"Fearless, what the hell is wrong with ya, eh? What'd ya say to Mike?"

Raphael eyed his brother with irritation, as he shook his head and ambled over to the barbells.

"I mean, I know Mike can be damn annoying, but still-" Raphael stopped when he saw Leo's tremble, the fists balling up, the swell of his brother leaping upward and bristling.

Leo's eyes were narrowed, dark, burning, in absolute rage.

"Leo, what crawled up your shell and-"

An explosion. A snarl, a flurried movement, agonizing ache to his jaw and Raphael toppled so fast he literally had no time to figure out what had had hit him.

Blood. Numbly, Raph touched the trickle over his split lip and stared stupidly at the bright red dribbling over his finger tips. Rage and brittle instinct flared as Raphael shot from the floor and hurled himself at Leo like a cannon ball.

They toppled together,landed in a writhing tangle of limbs, anguished confusion, and pain. Raphael slugged Leo hard in the shoulder,  
and relished the small grunt of pain. His victory was only a few seconds. With the speed of a striking snake, Leo twisted around, and wrapped both hands around Raphael's throat.

Eyes glittering, his lips quirking into a smirk, Leo' squeezed. Raphael felt the hands tighten like a noose, the thunder of his pulse pounding in his frantic brain, his lungs swelling,his breath ramming against his ribs like a fist...

He couldn't breathe. He couldn't BREATHE-

His hands clawed at the hands at his neck as he spasmed from the overwhelming pain. At the edge of his fragmenting awareness,  
Raphael heard the thin, shrill scream, as his senses dribbled away like water. Drowning. He was drowning...

Dying-

And suddenly, the very air itself rippled around him, as Leo's grip was suddenly broken, followed by a dull thud, and disbelieving voices.

His choking turned to a cough, and he lay, sprawled and panting. He tensed when he felt the gentle fingers at his throat,cracked open his eyes, and saw Don staring at his throat in horror.

Leo's animalistic shriek tore at his soul, but the look that flickered in Don's eyes made him tremble.

"Stay down, Raph."

The bo was already in Don's hands, as he suddenly flipped over Raphael's head. The thunderous crack of wood against shell, followed by another gut deep scream. Leo.

More voices. Mikey's gasp of shock, followed by the bewildered whisper of Leo's name. Don, pleading with Leo to stop whatever it was, followed by Splinter's anguished order.

Raphael rolled himself to his feet, ignored the burning at his throat and the dizziness of almost being strangled to death.

All hell had literally broken loose.

Don and Mike were both laying across Leo, one gripping his wrists, the other gripping his ankles, in the attempt to hold him down.  
Mike was already sporting a massive bruise from where Leo had kicked him in the face, but he clutched his brother's bucking ankles like a drowning man who had found a rope. Don had taken the more sensible approach of nearly sitting on Leo's elbows as he calmly peeled off his mask and tethered Leo's wrists together.

Leo was still fighting, and nearly scrambled to his feet when he kicked Mikey away. Raphael slammed down on him, landing with both knees on Leo's stomache. Leo shuddered, the keening cry slithering out from his clenched teeth. But, he managed to swing his arms free of Don's grip and club Raph in the face.

"My sons, restrain Leonardo, but do not harm him."

Splinter's voice, deceptively calm, his steadying paws still mindful, still gentle as he painfully lowered himself to Leo's face.

"I am sorry, Leonardo. But you leave me little choice."

And with that, the rat draped the herb-soaked cloth over Leo's face, pressing a palm over his nostrils. Leo stiffened, and whimpered when the vapor slithered up through the rag. Flinching, he tried to roll his head away, only to feel Donny's palms come to rest at his temples.

He screamed, body nearly lurching in half, as Mikey quickly shifted his weight to keep his legs flat.

"Do not fight it, Leonardo. It is for your own good that I make you sleep for now."

The betrayal felt like a stab wound, as Splinter caressed the twitching forehead. "Rest, Leonardo."

Leo whimpered again, in tears. A plea, a demand, a sob...his thoughts were sliding too fast into oblivion for him to know.

Splinter watched in despair as Leo's tortured lurches finally stopped. None of his brothers, nor his master let go of him until they felt him go completely limp.


	4. Anger

The edge of awareness came in slithering increments, as Leo slowly groaned himself awake. Warmth. A quiet sigh from the corner of the room. The soft familiarity of his indigo quilt draped over his back. A bone deep ache as he curled his fingers and winced at the flare of pain. His entire body ached as if he had been slammed, over and over again into a wall. His breath hitched with the sickening memory of last night.

Oh, God-

Leo never knew if it was a prayer, as the shattering truth came roaring back with all its teeth bared on his very soul. His eyes slammed shut, as the tears leaked. Surely it was a dark dream, some sick thing his mind had manufactured...

"Leonardo."

Leo flinched when Splinter whispered his name. His eyes were already spilling with tears as he arched out of the bedding, heedless of the quilt tumbling to the floor.  
From the sliver of the desk lamp, Splinter was nothing but robe and shadow until he shuffled forward a few inches so Leo could see his face.

Leo crumbled when he saw the sorrow in Splinter's eyes.

"My son." Splinter allowed Leo the full view of the cut deep enough to glare out from the fur on his cheek. Gently, Splinter touched his paw to the wound.

Splinter seated himself in the chair beside the bed, and only stared down at Leo with compassion.

Leo ground out the whimper as he buried his face in his hands.

"Master Splinter, I'm so sorry."

A gentle sigh, and an even gentler paw, gracing his cheek and wiping away the tears.

"As am I, my son. I have left you to face this anger alone, and this, I have failed you."

Splinter withdrew his paw, troubled, as Leo flinched away from the touch as if it burned. Indeed, Leo had risen from the sheets and looked at Splinter's paw as if his master were welding knives.

A shaking breath between them, as Splinter raised his wounded eyes to Leo. "Leonardo?"

Leo swallowed hard, and shut his eyes for a long moment in realization at what he had done. "What is it that is troubling you?" The kind question was only answered by Leo's jaw clamping shut with the finality of a locked cell.

"You drugged me." He snarled out, eyes burning with hurt. Splinter stiffened at the venomous accusation. "Leonardo, your loss of self-control was dangerous. You have injured your brothers in your rage."

Uncertainty flickered across Leo's face. "I..I hurt my brothers?" A whisper of horror as Leo glanced at the door over Splinter's shoulder.

Another sigh from Splinter, as he rose. "They will heal, Leonardo. The question is, will you?"

Leo was silent, and shaking as Splinter lingered long enough to ghost Leo with a steadying embrace. "Today, I wish you to remain in your room, and rest. I have brought you breakfast. "

Offering Leo a wan smile, Splinter set the tray on the bedside table. Bright, fluffy scrambled eggs, buttered toast, with jelly, and a glass of milk. Splinter hitched his shoulders. "Your brother, Michelangelo, cooked this for you. Your brothers are worried for you, Leonardo."

Splinter lay a steadying paw on Leo's shoulder. "Your brothers have already forgiven you, my son. They are worried for you."

The tears continued to slide down Leo's face, as the tray trembled in his hands. He only had enough self control to wait until Splinter had exited the room before he hurled the meal at the wall, and stared, vacantly at the eggs and milk sliding down the concrete. Shaking and sickened, he ignored the sudden crack as the door was flung open at the clatter. Splinter was clearing warring between worry and anger as he shook his head. Eyes hardening, he gave the shattered dishes a long glare before he turned to Leonardo. His heart lurched.

Leo was watching him, seething, fingers clenched to his sides, breath coming in erratic gasps. He was as rigid as a tiger ready to spring.

"Leave me alone." Leo shook his head, and clutched it between his palms. Splinter saw him wilt as he started weeping.

"Please, Master Splinter...just leave me alone."


	5. Implosion

Splinter only meant the gentle paw on Leo's shoulder to be an anchor in the sea of inner turmoil his beloved son was floundering in. Leo tensed as if burned, before shifting away. Splinter's paw lingered in the empty air, in disbelief, before he let it fall next to Leo's shell.

"My son?" Splinter's whisper was bewildered with the sudden rejection.

Leo cringed away, fingers digging into the sheets of his bed.

"Leonardo, you are not acting like yourself. Tell me what is troubling you, my son." Splinter made no attempt to hide the plea.

Leo's breath hitched as something flickered in his eyes. Remorse. Fear. Anguish that hardened into a curt shake of his head, as he looked away.

"I can't." Leo breathed out, as he shut his eyes, shaking.

"I'm sorry, Master. But I can't."

Splinter regarded him with sorrow. "Leonardo, have I broken faith with you? What has changed so much that you no longer feel you can come to me?"

Leo crumbled into tears, as he withdrew the few inches left.

"Father, I'm sorry. But I can't tell you what's troubling me. Please believe me on this and leave me alone."

Splinter's gaze hardened as he scrutinized Leo, warily. Leo's body was clenched, arms crossed over his plastron, hunched over, almost as if he were trying to seek refuge into the unyielding wall at his back.

Leo looked helplessly at his sensai, stared with longing for the refuge of Splinter's open arms.

"Leonardo, you will tell me what is troubling you immediately. Something that causes this much turmoil for this family cannot be hidden." Splinter issued the edict,  
clearly expecting obedience.

Leo's reaction was as stunning as it was sudden. He wrenched his shoulder free of Splinter's paw, and slid his eyes to Splinter's. The silence said more than his words as he only glared at his master for a long, brittle moment.

For one moment, he seemed to falter, as his arm instinctively rose to embrace Splinter. But then, Leo shut down. He recrossed his arms with the finality of a door being closed, jaws clamping together.

"Leonardo, you will not be allowed to join your brothers if you continue to behave in this manner."

"Good." The word was barely breathed, but bitter as Leo turned away. Splinter shuddered as if struck, but said no more. Gracing Leo's shoulder with one more gentle paw, Splinter rose and shuffled out, shutting the door behind him.

From his sliver of shadow, Raphael watched in absolute shock as Splinter emerged from Leo's room after a hushed conversation. Splinter looked scraped raw and old as he paused, gripping the door knob with a shaking paw before relinquising his grip. Scowling, Raphael waited until his master was out of earshot before he nearly ripped the door off its hinges and stormed into the room.

Leo flinched as the door slammed into the wall, but only watched as Raphael stomped in and halted a few feet from his bed.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" The snarl was abrupt, and acidic, as Raphael just glared at Leo, waiting.

There was only the infuriating silence, as Leo just curled a lip, and turned away.

Raphael held back his volcanic temper a grand total of thirty seconds before he errupted. "Damn it, Leo, you can either tell me what's wrong, or I'll kick your ass! Those are your options, pal."

The threat was only met by Leo's languid shift from sprawl to propping himself up on his elbows, to peer over the edge of the bed.

"I don't owe you an explanation, Raphael. And who the hell are you to come in and lecture me about an anger problem?"

Raphael paused, completely flummoxed, at both Leo's brittle tone, and the fact he was screaming at him.

Bewildered, and cowed, Raphael only stared at him. Swallowing hard, Raphael grimaced, before attempting a different tactic.

"Leo, you're scaring me." The words felt heavy and awkward, as Raphael forced himself onward. "I mean...this ain't like you. This ain't like you at all."

"Don't you think I know that?" Leo snapped, sharp and sudden as a whiplash. "Why is it that you only give a damn about me when I start acting like you, Raph?"

"Hey, I ain't the one who got so pissy and violent that my own sensei had to drug me to keep me from killin' somebody, Leo! I ain't the one banned from seeing my brothers because I can't control my hissy fits!"

The words flew out of his mouth before he was even aware that he had said something so cruel. Raphael clapped a hand over his mouth in horror as Leo went seething with the sudden, agonizing wound.

"Get out, Raph. Get out before I do something that I can't take back." Leo said, softly, with eyes as hard as concrete.

Raphael tilted his head. "You threatening me, now?" He asked in disbelief.

Raphael recoiled at the sudden, bitter cackle that burbled up from Leo. The smirk on his face looked as if it would shatter, as Leo answered, "Think, Raph. It took all four of you to subdue me, and that was when I was pinned to the floor and drugged."

The smirk grew wider as Leo only eyed his brother with mocking patience. "Now, it's just you." Leo spat, as he narrowed his eyes, all mirth evaporating.  
"You really think you can stop me, Raph? Go ahead, then. Try." He breathed the last word as he flipped to his feet.


	6. The Stab Wound

"You really think you can stop me, Raph? Go ahead, then. Try." The last word ended in a languid purr as Leo gracefully rolled to his feet, and waited.

Raphael exhaled, shut his eyes, and dredged up every trembling bit of resolve he could. The best he could do was grind out, "You ain't acting like you right now, Leo, so I'm gonna let that go. What the hell is going on?"

Leo only sneered, "Hell."

The word lingered in the dojo, like the ache after the hit.

Raphael had no warning of the fist being slammed into his jaw, other than the hiss of air, and Leo's blindingly fast strike.

Numb with pain and shock, Raphael would have toppled if his shell hadn't collided with the wall.

Agony seared through his jaw bone. Raphael grit his teeth and raised a shaking palm to the bloodied chin, and split lip.

He raised a palm full of scarlett to his bewildered eyes, and ran shaking fingers over his face. Thank God, his jaw hadn't been broken.

Rage, safe and searing, flooded through his veins, and severed the torpor. Growling, Raphael heaved himself up from the wall by his elbows.

He pivoted towards the odd scrape of sound at his left, before aiming the kick towards Leo's skull.

His toes brushed skin, the hard edge of shell as the mocking laugher burbled up. Leo dodged, twisting out of his reach.

Leo shoved one hand to the ground, put his heels to the bricks, and launched himself off the wall.

Raphael toppled as Leo slammed into him like a cannon ball.

Sprawled, and stunned, Raphael shuddered at the sensation of skin on skin. He felt his splayed fingers twitching against the dojo mat.

Raphael hissed at the realization that Leo had knocked him to the floor. Damn.

A heavy weight on his plastron, and the flesh of his elbows was being driven into his bones-

What the hell?

Raphael's eyes shot open to see Leo smirking down at him as he shifted on his plastron. Leo had pinned Raphael's arms to the floor with his knees.

Raphael struggled to wrench himself free, as Leo watched him in wry amusement.

"Get the hell off of me! What the f-"

The explicit was choked back by the jab of metal against his throat, and the stinging trickle of his own blood.

Raphael shuddered at the flicker of the candlelight against the sai that Leo held inches from his jaw.

My weapon, Raphael thought dully. My brother's going to kill me with my own weapon.

"I warned you." Leo's voice was only a sliver of breath between his rigged jaws. Leo softly chuckled, and dabbed a finger at the thin red line of blood spilling over Raph's shoulder.

Raphael trembled as the sai ghosted over his throat, carving out a shallow wound, as Leo tilted his head and smiled.

"Come on, Raph. You wanted to fight. So fight, already."

Leo relished the flicker of terror in Raphael's eyes, before his lips twisted. Raphael shut his eyes for a moment, forced his breath to slow.

"You got me pinned with my own weapon an inch away from killin' me, Leo. It ain't like I got options."

Leo's mouth quirked, as he arched one eyebrow. "I have one for you. Beg."

Raphael swallowed hard, disbelieving. "What?"

Leo's voice hardened as he jabbed the sai under Raphael's chin. "You heard me, Raphael. Beg for your life. Give me a reason not to kill you."

Raphael winced and flinched away from the stinging pain and the hot, wet red now dribbling from yet another cut.

Eyes narrowing, Leo tensed, waiting. Raphael didn't trouble himself with words Instead, he spat in Leo's face.

Leo grunted in shock and disgust. Raphael lurched upward, trying to fling Leo off, and roll away.

Leo let go of his arm in shock,and Raphael balled his fingers together, and swung. He had expected to hear the skull splitting groan, to feel Leo's head breaking over his knuckles. He never, never expected to miss.

Had the strike connected, Raphael would have scrambled to his feet and out of the humilating sprawl. Leo scooted backwards, latched his fingers like shackles over Raphael's wrist, mid-swing.

Smiling, Leo bent his arm back until the bones nearly snapped. Raphael grimaced, and tried to wrench himself free.  
Leo abruptly let go of his arm with a sharp, broken breath.

The sai glittered like a star falling to the earth.

Leo hissed through gritted teeth, raised the sai, and drove it downward into Raphael's wrist.

Raphael recoiled from the searing, blinding pain, the fiery ache that kept leeching up from his bones and tendons. His fingers twitched in the growing scarlet pool like dying spiders, as he twisted his face to see the damage. No broken bones, as he flexed his wrist and fingers in agony.

Instinctively, Raphael tried to yank the limb free, only to nearly scream at the burning hurt.

Leo had stabbed him so hard that the sai had been driven through the floor. His hand had been impaled, and he couldn't move it. Raphael masked everything but the small grunt he couldn't keep back. It was as loud and revealing as a wailing cry.

Leo chuckled darkly at his agony, as he only troubled himself to sneer, "Now you're pinned with your own weapon, Raph. Still don't want to beg?"

Raphael shook his head, curtly with a glare. Silence. Only that frozen silence, as his arm grew warm and sticky from the blood burbling from his shattered wrist.

Leo narrowed his eyes, clearly displeased, as he grabbed the hilt, and shoved it downward. Raphael only rewarded him with a shaking breath and a shudder.


	7. Collapse

Author's note: Please note this chapter has some strong language, and blood. Please do not read if either bothers you.

How could he hurt so much, and still be so numb? Raphael idly wondered as he stared dumbly at his splintered wrist. The sai's hilt jutted from his flesh.  
Very, very gently, he tugged, and nearly shrieked at the sudden pain of bones scraping blade. The agony grew teeth, sent fire through his very bones.

Raphael stilled, and tried to control his frantic panting. It hurt too much for him to just pull the thing free. He let his head flop back, woozy and sick and trying not to faint. The sound roared in his ears, as the world swam.

The floor, by then, was slick, and sticky with the growing pool of his own blood. Damn-

"It's ironic, Raphael. There were so many times when you shot off your mouth before, and now..." Raphael tensed at Leo's voice.

Leo shook his head sadly. "And now...you're silent."

The grin curled over his lips as he waited. Raphael's eyes flickered from his shredded limb to Leo's face, serene and pale as a rising moon.

"Are you sure you don't want to beg?" Leo's voice dribbled down through Raph's fragmented senses.

Hell, no, he wasn't begging. Normally, the question would have been answered with a snarl, a hit...something more than just the pathetic flop and roll of Raph's skull against the floor.

Raphael managed to shake his head, but nothing more.

"Are you sure, Raph?"

Leo graced him with a coaxing smirk, and a long, patient wait for the answer.

Raphael tensed when he felt Leo's fingers mockingly drum themselves against his plastron in a sick parody of tolerant waiting.

Another patient sigh, as Leo only breathed out, "All you have to do is say please, Raphael. That's it."

"F- you." A garbled explicit, slithered out over unbearable pain. Raphael swallowed back blood, and bile, as he cracked open his eyes.

Leo's smirk fractured into seething, horrific silence as his fingers ghosted over the hilt of the sai. Gripped the pommel. And twisted it.

Raphael tasted blood on his tongue, as the small whine finally escaped.

The pain, God, it hurt-

"You sure you have nothing to say, Raph?"

Raphael could choke back the scream, but not the words. "Already said it, Leo. F- you."

The words were slurred out as Raphael let his head fall back. Panting, he stared at the ceiling, and tried not to collapse into sobbing.  
He wasn't blubbering. Not like this.

Time seemed to fragment into nothing but a jumble of disbelieving moments. Raphael watched Leo's knuckles turn white, the flare of vivid green against scarlet.

Muscle and skin being separated by the slow slide of metal. Leo's cruel chuckle as Raphael's flesh was cleeved from bone. Weeping red and a convulsion and a groan that sounded like a plea. Raphael's spasm of overwhelmed pain under Leo's palm.

It hurt like hell, and had to stop. Raphael grit his teeth, forced his good hand open, squinted.

Leo was still straddling his plastron, smiling.

Inches. Only a few piddly inches apart. Raphael snarled, ripped open his eyes, and suddenly bucked. Leo yelped in surprise when Raphael belted him across the jaw and toppled him.

Raphael grinned at Leo's sudden sprawl across his chest. Wincing, he snapped his knee upward, and relished Leo's cry when his kneecap collided with his face.  
Leo squawked, righted himself and wiped the blood away from his busted lip with a shake of his head.

"That the best you can do, little brother?"

"Ya want more, asshole?"

Leo only chuckled, and shook his head. "Really, Raphael. Did you forget that you have two weapons? Granted, they're not as effective as my katanas, but they'll do for this."

Raphael's gut clenched. "For what?" He spat, as he wrested his good elbow to his side, trying to roll and somehow keep his hand still. Warily, he glared at his wrist, and nearly vomited.

Leo's mirthless cackle was soft, as he held Raphael's other sai aloft. "You know damn well what for."

Leo paused, as he turned the weapon over in his hands, musing. "Tell you what I'll do, Raphael. I'll give you a fighting chance. You've got ten seconds to pull that thing out of your wrist and defend yourself."

Raphael stared up at him, too wounded, and shocked to answer.

"And now you have nine." Leo whispered, as he crossed his arms, waiting.

Raphael winced as he hauled himself upward. He slid his fingers over the hilt, felt his own blood over the cold metal. He shut his eyes, bit his lip to keep from bawling, and tried to find the strength to pull his own weapon free from his flesh.

Oh, God, he couldn't. He couldn't! His breath hitched as he grit his teeth, swallowed back the cry.

"Eight." The word fell like a brick, and Raphael flinched.

"Seven." A languid purr, as Raphael clawed at the hilt and tried to will himself to yank the damn thing free.

"Six." Leo sang the number brightly. This was one hell of a way to die. Pinned to the floor like a bug under glass, and bleeding.

Raphael only felt the odd rush of wind, heard the savage scream and the bright streak of orange and green sailing over his curled body.

The sharp cry of wood cracking against bones, as Michelangelo flipped, and pummelled Leo's wrist with the nunchucks.

The sai fell and skittered away from Leo.

Leo's strangled cry errupted as Mikey sent him flying with a foot to the throat.

"DONNIE! MASTER SPLINTER! HELP!" Mikey shrieked when Leo righted himself, and stared him down.

"You shouldn't have done that, Mikey." He whispered.

Mikey whimpered, gave Raph a panicked glance. Trembling, he twirled his nunchucks into combat position, but stepped between Leo and Raphael.

"Don't do this, Leo." Mikey's plea was broken as he looked on, helpless. It was a fight he knew damn well he couldn't win.

From behind, he heard Raphael growl from the floor, "Mikey, get the hell out of the way!"

"No!" Mikey shook his head, frantically, as Leo slithered closer, and waved the sai in invitation.

Mikey eyed Leo warily, as he whispered over his shoulder, "Besides..he doesn't have his weapon. He only has yours, and he's not too good at close range combat."

"Mikey, you're gonna get yourself killed!"

"I'm not letting Leo do this, Raph." Mikey said quietly. "Besides," Mikey whispered, as he forced the grin, "Donny and Splinter are coming. All I have to do is hold Leo off. That's it."

"Oh, Leeeooo-" Mikey sang out as he pranced away. "Why don't you show me what you got, huh? Come on, bro. Poke me or something already!"

The taunt had been deliberate. Leo recoiled with the speed of a striking viper, blindly lunging with a snarl. Mikey lightly dodged, the bright burble of laughter shard-sharp and lingering.

Grinning, Mikey bounced, waiting. "Man, Leo. I was expecting more. Come on, man!" The whine was mocking as Leo quaked and glared. Bracing himself, he leapt like a panther.

Mikey merrily flounced out of the way, and gave Leo a bop on his shell for his trouble. The nunchuck against shell rippled through the lair like a gunshot.

"You can't hurt me if you can't catch me, Leo! Come on! Get me already!" Mikey crowed, as he waved Leo onward.

The bright false laughter died when he gave Raph and the pool of blood a tortured glance. He gave Leo a fearful look, and Raph a brave smile.

"Come on, O Fearless One! " Mikey bowed, and dodged another attack.

Raphael grunted, and shifted in disbelief as Mikey flowed like water and carefully herded Leo away from him.

"Donny! Get your ass in here! Master Splinter! Help!" Raphael shouted so loud that his scream thundered through the Lair.

Raphael nearly wept with relief when he heard the small sound of terror from Don and Splinter's gasp. Splinter's face twisted in agony as he saw one son fighting for his life and the other savagely attempting to kill.

It was the most gut-wrenching decision Splinter ever made as he knelt to the floor, paws braced for the leap. Deftly, he flung himself into the air, rising high and landing hard between his sons. Michelangelo only felt the gentle brush of fur against his shoulders as he was suddenly spun out of the way of the sai jabbing inches from his throat.

"Protect Raphael, my son." Splinter said gently, as he calmly watched Leo.

"I am sorry, Leonardo, but you have left me no choice." Splinter's voice was laced with sorrow and love as he abruptly leapt from the floor, and collided with Leonardo.

Leo toppled when Splinter landed, his shell scraping brick as he slid several feet and only halted when he crashed into the wall.

Rising with a flick of his tail, Splinter's paws came to rest just under Leo's chin. "I love you, my son, but you will not hurt your brothers any more."

Leo spasmed as the gentle paw became a crushing weight over his throat and thrashed instinctively when he couldn't breathe any more.

Crushing oblivion, and tortured twitches as he tried and failed to claw away the vicious grip on his throat. Splinter felt the throb of pulse, and the desperate sounds for air as he abruptly let go of Leo's throat.

Ignoring the whimper, Splinter waited for the lurch of the exhalation before covering Leo's mouth and nose with the herb soaked rag.

Leo recoiled when he felt the gentle but unyielding palms against his nostrils, but he couldn't stop the gasping for air. Splinter watched in sorrow as Leo only glared up at him in silence, before his eyes finally slid shut.


	8. Eviseration

Through the haze of pain, Raphael could only hear the ragged edges of voices, rising and falling down a tumbling dark. He could feel odd things-the warm scarlet now pooled around his shoulder, soaking his bandana, the cool scratchy surface of the dojo mat. His eyes rolled backwards and his head flopped to see his sai's hilt, jammed through his palm and wrist.

It should have hurt a hell of a lot more than this. Raphael winced when he felt the prong grinding against his now quaking limb. His tremor had grown to outright quaking, and he was so cold-

Breath came in lurches, as he threw back his head and panted. He was too numb to do more than slide his head through the red pool, instinctively seeking his brothers.

Leo was sprawled, and still, looking like he had been lopped off at the knees. Raphael slumped in relief to see that Leo wouldn't be getting up any time soon.

"Raph!" Mikey screamed his name, high and shrill...Panicked.

"Mikey." Raphael croaked out as he forced his lips to crack the smirk. "Thanks. Ya...ya saved me."

Mikey's eyes went huge as he glanced from Raphael to his bloodied wrist. His smile was trembling as he shrugged. "Stay still, Raph, okay?"

Raphael gave him a choked snort. "Can't. Not with two feet of steel through my wrist."

He heard Don's sobbing sigh and felt the rush of air as he dropped to his knees, trying and failing to ignore the gore soaking his knee pads.

"Oh, God." Don muttered the prayer as he shuddered, swallowed. Forced himself to focus, and fix this...

Mikey was staring at him, in terror. Raphael's eyes had fluttered shut. Splinter was grim and silent as he stooped to comfort his son.

" We have to stop this bleeding." Don tore his own bandana free, ignored the whimper as he felt for the pulse point.  
Sliding the bandana under the limb, he tied the knot, tight enough to staunch the flooding, but not enough to endanger the cirulcation.

"Mikey-go get the lab ready for when we move Raph. Get my suture kit ready, and find every clean bit of guaze we have, okay?"

Mikey scampered off even before Don finished the sentence. Eyes sliding from Mikey's footsteps, back to his suffering brother, Don winced.

Here came the hell. Splinter met his gaze with a wretched nod, before his eyes flickered to Raphael's.

"Raphael, my son, the sai will have to be removed."

Raphael grunted at that. "Can't hurt any worse than when it went in."

Don grimaced at Raph's tired whisper. "Master Splinter, it would probably be best if you got some more of that herb that sedated Leo. I think it would be easier on Raph if he-"

"Hell, no." Raphael snarled, as he shook his head. "No! I've never been knocked out before when you treated me, I ain't having that now!"

Don looked at Raphael, stricken, as Splinter softly objected, "My son, it will spare you pain. I think it best-"

"No, Master Splinter! I don't want it! Donny, pull the damn thing out already and get it over with!"

"Will you shut up and listen to me!" Don's rare temper flared as he gestured, helplessly. "It's not that simple, Raph. I can't just yank it out. I don't know if you have severed nerves, or what's been damaged and what hasn't. I could cut some ligament in your wrist and ruin any chance you have at mobility, not to mention the risk of infection."

Raphael's eyes narrowed as he hefted himself the few inches he could. "Don." His voice was measured, and quiet.

"Either ya pull the damn thing out now or I will."

"You will do no such thing." Splinter whispered, as his steadying paws tightened in anger. "Raphael, stop this foolishness and listen to your brother."

Raphael eyed them both, helpless and pissed and hurting worse than he ever had in his life. "Then what the heck are ya plannin' on doin? Leavin' me here with this thing stuck in my hand?"

"Master Splinter, could you please go get the medical kit from the lab? And, make sure that Mikey stays in the lab, please. I don't think it would be good for him to see this."

Splinter rose with a sigh, and shuffled off as quickly as he could.

The silence was overwhelming and heavy, and interrupted only by Raphael's ragged breathing. Don looked at the wound again, and fought the urge to vomit as he assessed the damage. Raphael's wrist was neatly pinned, and the sai's point had gone clean through the wrist into the dojo mat. As sickening as it was, the wound was little more than a neatly carved slit, not a jagged hacking, or a shredded mass. At least Leo's vicious attack had been precise enough to mitegate some of the potential complications.

That was good. A straight stabbing, without the blade being twisted around in the flesh was less damaging, at least. Raphael's fingers were splayed, the palm arching upward and twitching around the hilt. Movement. Maybe there wasn't as much nerve damage as Don feared.

But still, the pain would be excruiating when it was removed, unless Don could convince Raphael to be sedated for that part.

"Raph, I really wish you'd let me give you something for the pain. Something that would at least-"

"I said no!"

"But-"

"Damn it, Don, listen to me." Raphael's sudden flinch was louder than a scream. "I don't want to be knocked out. I can stand bein' hurt, I ain't no good at being helpless.

Don nodded in tortured acceptance. "I'll try to make it quick, Raph...but it's still going to hurt."

Raph smirked. "Hell, yeah, it's gonna hurt. It's my weapon, bro."

Raphael's lips ground themselves into a tight line when he saw Don's expression crumble.

"I trust ya, Don. I know you can fix me."

It was meant to comfort. Don swallowed back the whimper.

And now, the thoughts were skittering through his skull like roaches fleeing a shoe, as the blood geysered out of his arm. 


	9. Removing the Blade

The solution was as simple as it was savage. A good grip on the hilt. A sharp, precise yank and the sai would be dislodged. Don swallowed, trying and failing to ignore that the solution also involved pulling a blade out of his brother's flesh. That if his hand slipped on the bloodied hilt, or if he surrendered to the urge to faint, he could severe a tendon, slice open a vein. Raphael could have a paralyzed limb, or bleed to death. And Don could not stop his hands from trembling.

His numb thoughts were interrupted by the irritated sigh as Raphael ground out, "What the hell you waitin' on, Don? Just pull the damn thing out already."

Raph's voice was a whispered snarl, heaved out from his clenched teeth. Don eyed him worriedly. Raphael's lips were curled back against his teeth, eyes withered and shut. His frame tremored with the erratic breaths that kept getting choked on his clamped jaws.

"Don?" A rasped whisper, as Raphael rolled his head towards him.

"Yes, Raph?"

"How's Leo?"

Don's face twisted into a mask of hatred as he glared over his shoulder. Leo was still sprawled and oblivious where he had collapsed.

"He's alright." Don whispered, curtly, as Raphael weakly shifted.

Don scowled down at him, and lay restraining hands over his shoulders. "Stay still. Moving can only make this worse."

Raphael tensed at the touch, but gave Don a weary smirk for his concern. "Layin' still isn't improving the situation, bro."

Eyes narrowing, Raphael stared at the curved silloutte of Leo's shell.

Tilting his head towards Leo, Raph said, softly, "Don't hate Leo over this, Don."

Don flinched, stunned into silence. "Raph, he stabbed you! He-"

"This ain't Leo." Raphael hissed out. Shutting his eyes, he exhaled tiredly, "Leo ain't like this."

Don's lips tightened. "You mean to tell me that Leo's not responsible?"

Raphael slid his eyes shut with a hiss of pain. Seeing Don's anguished hatred made his gut twist, as he abruptly shifted.

"Damn it, Don, never mind about Leo now! Ya getting this out, or not?" Raph exploded, and lurched upward.

Don frowned and gently held him back, mindful of the mangled limb.

Raph made a small, choked sound, and slumped.

Don apologetically pat Raph's shell, slid helpless hands against Raph's tense tremble.

Giving the kitchen a tortured glance, Don whispered. "I'm sorry, Raph. I know that it hurts."

"Hurts like hell." Raph snarled , as he glared at the kitchen. "What the hell are they doin' anyway? Bakin' a cake?"

"I...I don't know." Don muttered, worriedly. "We need clean bandages to stop the bleeding, and disinfectant. And God only knows how many stitches."

"Oh, goody." Raphael sighed, with an eyeroll. "This just gets better and better."

"Raph, will you please take a pain-killer?" Don didn't attempt to mask the plea, as he stared, wide-eyed at the sai imbedded in Raph's wrist and the dojo mat.

"It's going to be excruciating. And I don't want you going into shock."

"Already hurts like hell! How could it possibly hurt more?" Raphael ground out through clenched teeth.

Narrowing his eyes, he raised his head, and met Don's worried gaze with a resolute shake of his head.

"I meant it when I said I was going to pull this damn thing out."

"And I'll knock you out with my bo before that happens." Don said quietly, with an eye ridge raised in challenge.

"I'd advise you not to test that, Raphael." Don answered Raphael's dismay with finality.

Mercifully, they heard the soft shuffle of Splinter's footfalls over the bricks. The old rat gave Don a reassuring smile as he lay the ziplock bag in his hands.

"What needs to be done, my son?"

Don didn't answer the gentle question, as he inwardly groused in frustation. They had no rubber gloves. He could probably procure an antibiotic, but...

Don turned to Splinter, as he opened the bottle of benatine, and started swathing Raph's skin from fingers to elbow in the disinfecteant.

"There's two things, Master Splinter. I'm going to need you to hold Raphael down, in case he tries to curl when I pull this out. And afterwards, to apply pressure to the wound."

Splinter nodded grimly, as he peeled open the guaze and the bandages. The old rat was mindful of not ruining the sterility, but there was little to be done in a sewer.

Raphael scowled when Don finished painting his flesh with the disinfectant, and jerked his head towards the sai.

"Are you gettin' it out now, or what?"

Don swallowed hard, trying to fight down the panic that now fluttered against his ribs like a trapped bird.

He took a wad of clean rags, folded it into a compact bundle, and whispered, "I need you to bite down on this."

Raphael stared at it in distaste, and shook his head with a grunt. "I don't wa-"

"Damn it, Raph, just do it! Quit fighting me on this! Please!" The explosion of words landed hard, and fractured at their feet.

"Fine." Raphael spat, as he flopped his head back to the mat. Sighing in irritation, he opened his mouth wide, teeth bared and waiting.

Don carefully slid the gag over his teeth, and Raphael snapped his jaws together with another grunt, waiting.

Don took a steadying breath, as he gestured towards Splinter. "Master Splinter, I need you to grip Raph's arm, here, and here. Over his palm, and, there, right below the wound. It is absolutely imperative that Raph stays as still as possible, so that the sai doesn't cut anything else."

Splinter's paws were trembling as he lay both on Raphael's arm. He could feel Raphael's muscles flickering under his skin, bones shuddering like trapped animals.  
Splinter shuddered at the smell of blood that was so much stronger now. He forced himself to meet Raphael's eyes with gentle reassurance.

Raphael's face was crumbled with pain, the dull gleam of sweat coating his forehead like a second skin. Raphael rolled his eyes to his father, and latched onto his gaze.

"Soon this will be over with, my son. The pain will stop."

Don's head snapped up, and he shook his head, minutely. The only way the pain would stop is if Raphael fainted. And after seeing the withered agony on Raph's face,  
it would be a possibility.

"Raph." Don blanched at the dull, searching effort it took Raph to meet his eyes. "I'm going to need you to stay very, very still. I'm going to do this as quick as possible,  
but it's still going to be very, very painful."

Raphael's good hand worked itself up from the floor as he yanked the gag from his mouth. "I trust ya, Don. It's gonna be alright."

Raphael smirked around the gag as he lay back, shut his eyes, and drew in a long, steadying breath.

"My son, are you ready?" Splinter whispered, as Raphael trembled, but nodded.

"Donatello, are you ready?"Splinter asked softly, as Don slid to his knees and stared down at the sai hilt.

Don remembered dipping his head in agreement to the hellish task before him. Numbly, he slid shaking fingers over the handle of the sai, ignored the flinch of pain, and the small cry that not even Raph could hold back.

The metal felt cold against his palm, as he arranged his fingers to a more steadying grip. He cursed the tremble of his hands out of the fear that he would slip and hack more flesh, severe a tendon, poke and artery and kill his own brother.

Raphael tensed, as if to brace himself, his good hand curling into a fist against the mat.

Splinter exhaled sharply, as his knuckles went white from holding the limb to the mat.

"On the count of three." Don whispered, as Splinter nodded, and Raphael shut his eyes.

"Three." The word slithered out, as Don numbly considered the best way to pull out the blade. Half a foot of steel in flesh would hurt, no matter what he did.

A sharp, savage yank would be the quickest, and less painful. A slower, more careful withdrawal would guard against knicking muscles or veins.

Don thanked God for the clinical detachment as he ignored the quaking shudder beneath his palm.

"Two." Slow withddrawal it was. Keep it gentle, and keep it steady. Make sure that Raph doesn't jerk away or try to jostle anything. How would that be possible? There's a weapon embedded in his arm, and he's impaled to the mat. When I actually start pulling this thing, he's going to be choking and writhing from the agony.  
And there's nothing I can do about the pain.

Don's thoughts clouded, skittered across his brain. He wanted to vomit.

"One."

The scream tore from Raphael's throat, just as the blade was torn free from his flesh. Don couldn't remember pulling it out, only that strangled cry, and the blood spilling hot and wet over his fingers. The bright flare of a sai dripping scarlet.

Raphael lurched upward, his muscles writhing with instinctive agony, as Splinter held him down to the dojo mat.

The scream was muffled from the jaws clenched tight, and the gag still wedged between Raphael's teeth. Raphael shuddered, and shut his eyes as the tears trickled down his cheeks.

The sob was louder than any scream.

Splinter was nearly folded in half over his son's arm, as he clamped down on the blood flow. Raphael quaked beneath him, as Don hastily put his hands over Raphael's neck, monitoring the pulse.

Raphael didn't wince when Don shoved the needle and thread through the flesh, in an effort to stitch the gaping hole up as quickly as possible. The tattered edges of flesh were hastily knit back together in neat little stitches, and then carefully swathed in more benetine. Splinter silently lifted the arm, with the care of handling a holy relic, as Raphael bit his lip to keep from blubbering any more. Don dressed the wound, first bandaging up the slit from palm to elbow. Finally, to protect the wound from being jostled, he strapped up the wrist brace.

Through the whole thing, Raphael lay, rigid and heaving, eyes, fists, and teeth clenched from the pain.

Gently nudging Raph, Don said softly, "Raph? It's over. We're done."

Raphael just nodded, before cracking his eyes open. "Yeah.." It was rasped out, and exhausted.

Raphael pawed at Don's hand, with the tired smirk gracing his lips through the white, withered hurt.

"Thanks, Don. Ya did good."


	10. Blurred

The blood kept rippling out, and I felt shaky and sick, I guess from the blood loss. I've been cut, poked, and stabbed before, but never impaled like this.  
Leo had never taken a weapon to any of us before this. Hazily, I rolled my head the few inches I could, grimacing at the hot wet gunk that coated the floor beneath me.

Leo. I couldn't see much of him, other than the curve of his shell in the light from his sprawl on the floor. He lay where he had finally fainted, half curled under.  
I couldn't see his face, or anything, other than he was so still.

I kept hearing the vague, smeared sound of my brothers' voices, of Splinter's gentle murmuring. A bloody, furred paw dabbing at the sweat of my forehead, Don's frantic pleading, his steadying, trembling hands over my mutilated arm, as he kept glancing between my face and the shredded skin.

"I'm sorry, Raph. I'm so sorry. This will hurt and I can't make any of this hurt less unless you'd at least let me give you something to dull-"

It was getting hard as hell to keep the conversations straight. I was light-headed and woozy, like I was drunk, and I kept wanting to slide my eyes shut and just sleep.

I vaguely remembered snarling out that I wasn't taking any damn pain pills. The truth was, I was hoping that I would faint from the shock of having my sai removed.  
At least then, there would have been some relief from the agony, and I'd be able to salvage what little pride I had left.

Don's voice broke through my stupor like another stab wound.

"We'll get it out, Raph. Just hold on, okay?" So gentle, so scared, so final, as he laced those quaking fingers through my good hand, a quick attempt to offer comfort.

"Just get it out, Don. Please, just get the damn thing out!" I cringed at the whine in my voice, as my head flopped back, and I waited.

Helpless. I was so helpless. Unable to move, unable to yank the thing out, unable to do anything but wait.

"Get ready, Raph. I'll try and keep it as painless as possible, but I can't just yank it free, or I could accidently cut a tendon, or worse."

Thank the Almighty that Don didn't tell me what exactly "or worse" meant.

Splinter stooped to cradle me in his arms, and Don very gently pressed the cloth to my teeth. I let him jam it between my jaws, grateful that at least I wouldn't scream like a kid.

Three seconds. I don't know why in the hell Don thought that counting to three would make any of this easier. Just pull the damn thing free from my arm, and let me heal. Just do it already, please.

I felt metal sliding through my bones, through my flesh, ever so slowly gliding out of my arm. Don kept muttering apologetically, and Splinter kept me still.

The sob was choked back by cloth and my frantic attempt to breathe.

It hurt!

It hurt so damn bad, I thought I had died and gone to hell. It hurt so much that I wish that Leo had just stabbed me in the heart and left me for dead.  
Anything could have been easier than the torture of having my arm nearly chopped off, and impaled by my own weapon.

I shut my eyes, and clamped my jaw shut, but I couldnt' stop the whimper or the tears. I barely noticed the hot, wet trickles on my cheek as I just focused on not fainting from the pain.

I remembered a bright flair of agony, that leeched like fire, and then turned to icy, disbelieving ache, when Don stood there, stupidly holding my bloodied sai aloft. I heard his disbelieving whimper as he tossed it aside, the dull clatter somewhere unseen. Splinter stooped over me, trying to offer some comfort through the agony.  
Don's twisted face hovered inches from mine, as his fingers scrambled through the growing pool of my blood to bind up the wound so I wouldn't bleed out.

"It's out." Don announced with finality, as he looked down at me, fearfully.

"Stay with me, Raph! Don't close your eyes!" A frantic plea as my eyes slammed shut.

"I know you are in pain, my son, but you must stay awake." Splinter's stern order was almost ignored as my eyes fluttered open.

"...can't..." I felt my awareness fracturing, as Splinter's palm brushed my cheek.

"I am sorry, my son. We will allow you to rest after we are through with tending to your wounds.

Thanks, Don. Ya did good." I had to slur the words out through the mess of snarled pain, tears, and nervous exhaustion. I couldn't stop the damn trembling.  
My wrist lay, twisted and cradled in Donny's lap, as he swallowed back a sob, and kept stitching the ragged pieces of my arm back together

Numb. Everything was so damn numb. I shuddered when I felt the flicker of sharp, weird pricks as the needle was gently shoved through my flesh. Don halted, the thread coiled around one finger.

"Do we need to stop, Raph?" Donny asked, worriedly. I rolled my aching head back and forth.

"Keep goin', Don. It ain't gonna hurt less if you stop. now."

Master Splinter's paws kept gracing my sweaty forehead, and he muttered something soothing. I couldn't make it out. I felt my eyes slide shut when the cold ache settled over me like a blanket.

"Raph?" Don fearfully poked me. I flinched, but couldn't pry my eyelids open.

"Raphael, you must wake! Raphael!"

I heard Splinter's shouting like a gunshot, but I couldnt' do much more than slur out, " 'm sorry. Can't."

The dark felt so damn good to surrender to. Peaceful. No pain. No nothing at all. Nothing left to go back to.


	11. Falling

"Raph?" Don fearfully poked me. I flinched, but couldn't pry my eyelids open.

"Raphael, you must wake! Raphael!"

I heard Splinter's shouting like a gunshot, but I couldnt' do much more than slur out, " 'm sorry. Can't."

_"We all fall down, you know." Leo's voice was soft, and coy, as he stared at me. Casually, he raised his bloodied katana, smirked as he wiped it clean._  
_I stared at him, as he paced like a tiger over the bloodied floor._

_"Some of us just fall harder, Raph. And some of us aren't meant to rise in the end."_

_The side of his mouth curled up in mock sympathy, as he tilted his head to see me better. I writhed in sheer terror, unable to move._

_Why the hell couldn't I move? Panicking, I tried to wrench myself free, and stared in horror to see my wrists and ankles all bloodied, shredded stumps, impaled by katana blades._

_I heard Leo chuckle as he watched me lurch up, helplessly as I tried to yank myself free._

_"Maybe now, I'll finish the job, Raph." Leo whispered, as he leaned over my face, and sneered._

_I stared into those eyes-hellishly empty, and sparkling with amusement at my agony._

_"Leo, what the hell is wrong with you?" I didn't even try to keep the fear out of my voice, as he narrowed his eyes and leaned back._

_"You truly have no damn clue what any of this is about, do you?" The genuine puzzlement twisted his face, and for a moment, he looked like my lost brother._

_"No, damn it! I don't! Now tell me what is wrong with you!" The demand for an answer was only meant by a mocking snort of dismissal._

_"Oh, Raph..."A gentle, patient sigh as Leo sat down beside me and seemed to consider the question._

_"You truly have no idea how much torture you've put me through over the years, have you? All the petty squabbles over orders. All the times you've flaunted my authority. All the times you threw tantrums like some toddler, and stormed out, leaving me to sooth the wounds and placate Master Splinter. All the times I had to save you, time and time again because you did something stupid in a fit of anger. "_

_He sighed, and shook his head. "You truly want to know what I'm doing, Raph?"_

_I nodded, helpless, as he smirked bitterly. "I became you."_

_Leo's voice was blurred from the torpor smeared dream._

_I felt his fingers brush mine, the shards of glass cutting my palms, the helpless shudder of instinctive agony that rippled through my body._

_"And now, I'm going to finish what I started." He breathed out, as he raised the katana to my throat._  
_Blood. I felt it, hot and sweet against my lips where I had bit my lips to choke back the scream of pain._  
_The blade sliding across my neck, the gore spilling over my collar bone, the pain..._

_"Raph?" I recoiled at the gentle touch on my forehead, and whimpered as I tried to twist away from what was holding me to the bloodied matt._

_"Raph!" I shuddered at the shrill bark of my name, and slid my eyes shut._

_"Raph! Wake up! Come on, bro, wake up!"_

_I exploded back into awareness like a drowning man surfacing. Exhaling the scream, I heard Mikey yelp from behind, and the sound of shuffling._

_A nightmare. A horrible, stupid nightmare about Leo trying to kill me. I swallowed hard, shut my eyes and tried to control my breathing._

_"Easy, Raph. Take it easy." Don's soothing voice fell like ice over my shattered nerves as he carefully eased me back into the bed._

_A bed? How the hell did I get from the dojo to the bed?_

_"Calm yourself, my son. You are safe." Splinter's voice was soft as I felt his reassuring paw slide over my cheek. I cracked open my eyes to see Don and Splinter leaning over me, worried._

_"Did you have a bad dream, my son?"_  
_The vivid nightmare had already vanished, but I was too damn embarrassed to answer Splinter. I shut my eyes, and nodded. I felt Splinter's soft paw over my clenched fist, gently patting my good wrist in reassurance._

_I scowled when I finally dragged my shredded limb from the tangles of sheets, and looked at Don. "How bad?"_

_Don swallowed, and shrugged uneasily. "We have no x-rays down here, Raph. I don't know if you've got a cut tendon, or what yet. You were moving your fingers, so you have some mobility in that hand, but I won't know how bad it is until it's healed up a bit more."_

_"So...what's the worst case?" I asked quietly, as Don just shook his head._

_"There's no point in speculation over the worst outcome when you've already avoided the worst, which was dying. We're damn lucky that Leo didn't sever a vein and have you bleed out."_

_Even Splinter winced at that, as he slowly, painfully rose to his feet, and gently silenced Don with a paw to the shoulder._  
_"That is enough, my sons. This talk is useless until we know more. For now, it is enough that you are alive, Raphael."_

_I glared down at the yards and yards of off-white wrappings that had been wound over and over my wrist and fingers._

_Leo. My own brother had stabbed me with my own weapon and nearly killed me._

_"Where the hell is Leo?"_

_There was only that horrible, horrible silence, as Mikey paled and turned away. Don just folded his arms, jaw setting into a line, and Master Splinter's eyes flickered to mine._

_At last, Don almost snarled out, "He's sleeping." I didn't know what was worse, the rage on Don's face, or the lie. Uneasily, Mikey's eyes slid from Don to mine, before he forced a wilted smile._

_"Uh, yeah, Raph. Leo had quite a work out, too, you know?" And then he floundered, darting a scared glance at Don, as if seeking direction. I watched as Don's face hardened with a deep, sharp exhaled breath._

_"Never mind about Leo for now, Raph. You need some rest." Don's words were soft, but commanding. He was already propping my wrist up on a pillow, as Mikey picked up the blankets, ready to tuck me in like I was a damn kid or something._

_Splinter only let out a pained sigh, as he shook his head. "Do not trouble yourself over Leonardo for now, Raphael."_

_"I'm not tired. Now, what the hell happened to Leo?" My demand for answers was only met with Mikey shrugging, as he and Don carefully gripped me, and gently forced me to lay back._

_"Nothing happened to Leo, Raph. He's still sleeping off whatever Master Splinter gave him." Mikey muttered._

_"As you should be, my son." Splinter said, pointedly. The yawn slithered out before I could stop it. I was still pissed off as I conked out again._

Don's veiwpoint...

It was only out of a sense of obligation that Don even bothered examining Leo. The eldest turtle was still slumbering and sprawled out across the dojo mat, harmless, helpless, and now...hated.

Grimly, Don swallowed back the bile as he unwillingly nudged the rim of Leo's shell, and slid him onto his back. Leo flopped over into the roll, head lulling, limbs dangling. Leo's eyes were closed, and he looked so peaceful it made Don sick. For a moment, he fought the instinct to kick him in the plastron and send him flying. Don shook his head. Even now, it was completely against his normally passive nature to do harm to the helpless.

Leo's snore was suddenly broken by an abrupt snort and a cough. Don flew to his feet, scrambling for his bo. When Leo's eyes fluttered open, and he tried to flop back onto his stomache, Don calmly raised his weapon high, and clubbed Leo across the temple. Leo crumbled back to the mat, with a groan, but went still. Numbly, Don waited for long moments, wary of Leo suddenly springing to life. The strike was deliberate, silent and far mor effective and merciless than the herbal concoction of Splinter's.

All Leo did was resume his deep, pained breathing. No groan, no muttering, just oblivion.

Numb and sickened, Don nudged Leo's face into view with his bo, poking at his jaw until he could see the bruised temple. Distainfully, he put his fingers to the pulse point, monitored the heartbeat, and the breathing.

Hell, the only thing that his once glorious older brother would gain was a longer nap, and a tremendous headache. Don grimaced. Even now, he didn't have it in him to do more than give Leo a concussion, and a nap.

Rage made his fingers coil over his weapon. His twisted sense of obligation made him finally let it clatter to the mat next to his injured brother. .


	12. Leonardo: The Reason

The long awaited chapter as to why Leo is going crazy:

_Every one of Leo's instincts screamed warning as he warily surveyed the terrain, looking for concealment. Here in this part of town, there were patches of black that clung like dripping tar from the shadows cast. Broken pieces of the caved in roof revealed the star-bloated abyss above him. The entire place was abandoned and Leo felt the silence was as consuming as a tomb. Uneasily, he waited, feeling both perversely exposed and abandoned at the same time._

_What in the hell was he thinking, leaving the Lair alone to meet in secret with Karai? Was he truly stupid enough to believe that she really wanted to negotiate peace between them? But, after all the misery her father had brought to his family, he was almost deliriously eager to have the constant, literal sword removed from their lives. The glitter of the possibility-his brothers free from harm, no more anxious vigils of wondering if one would live-wa enough justification for him to try. He loved his family. It was his job as the leader to protect him. The equation's answer was brutally simple._

_Until now._

_Now, as his gut clenched in a mixture of guilt, self-loathing, and the searing clarity of his foolishness, Leonardo swallowed hard, and willed himself to stand where he was._

_How idiotic he had been to assume that the death of the Shredder would mean an end to the constant threat against his family. And yet-_

_Leo's face flamed with humilation at the encounter with Karai. It had been a long, hard night of empty patrols on the same streets. Raphael had been testy and irritable, and Mikey was whining. Leo gave them all permission to go back to the Lair. He had informed them he would be out a few minutes later than normal so that he could clear his head. After having to break up the constant bickering, Leo simply wanted to relish a few moments of solitude. That was it._

_Karai may not have been her father reincarnated, but she had either been tracking him for weeks, or just got incredibly lucky. Leo recalled, with renewed shame, how she had_ _literally appeared of nowhere, flitted around like a perturbed hornet. Leo had his katanas unsheathed and ready to kill, only to feel the cold jab of metal and the dull glitter of her dagger at his throat._

_He had never been more humilated or anguished, as she merely curled, cat like at his side, and whispered, "Do not bother drawing your weapon, Leonardo. You will be gutted long before you can do me harm. "_

_She smirked at his shudder, at his narrowed eyes glittering with hatred. Eying the dagger with disgust, he spat, "It's dishonorable to leave me weaponless if you plan on a fight, Karai."_

_The light danced off the small blade as she casually carved into his flesh. He hissed as the line of red appeared across his throat, and forced himself to remain still._

_He felt the weird flicker of pain, the dull sting, and the trickle of blood over his collarbone. The wound itself was light, nothing more severe than a paper cut._

_"If I wanted to kill you, I have already had several chances, Leonardo." Mockingly, she gestured over his shoulder, towards the vacant street. The stark realization made Leo feel physically ill. How on earth did she manage to track him for that long without revealing anything? How in the hell could she have blindsided him like this?_

_Dismay flickered over his features. The grin on her twisted lips grew feral as she drew closer. "And if I can track you at leisure, what do you think I can do to your family?"_

_Leo grit his teeth, and forced down the instinct to disembowel her on the spot. "If you ever threaten my family again, I'll kill you."_

_Her chuckle sounded as brittle as fragmenting glass. "And all of you should die, for what you did to mine."_

_He drew a shuddering breath, and closed his eyes, exhaling. "Killing my family won't restore yours, Karai."_

_She tilted her head, and narrowed her eyes. "But it will allow my father to rest in peace."_

_Leo's throat muscles worked, as the dagger sliced deeper. Inwardly wincing, he tried to keep the blade from cutting any more into his sweating neck._

_His katanas were within reach. Less than a foot away, and yet the blade at his throat flickered with hideous promise. Karai was close enough to gut him like an could have him bled out in minutes, if he had that long._

_"My father once told me that breaking an enemy can be far more cruel than killing him, Leonardo. Shall we find out?"_

_He gave her a murderous glare. "You're never going to break me, or my brothers, Karai. And I swear, here and now, if you harm them, I'll-"_

_His words ended with agony and a strangled yelp when she stabbed him in the shoulder. One slice at his belt, another at his harness, and the katana at his back clattered from his shell to the concrete. With a cry, he dove for his swords, as she cut again, a long, smooth slit deep into his arm. She sent the swords skittering_ _out of his grasp with a deft kick._  
_Snarling, he curled his shaking fingers over the wound, and felt the blood dribbling from under his palm. His eyes slid towards hers, teeth bared like he was choking in a snare. And then, he leaped into the flip._

_Foot, palm, crippled twisting of his injured hand as he spun and kicked with every evasive move he could send pouring through his torpid limbs. And then, the humilating topple as she hissed. The chains flew from the shadows to tether his arms and legs to his shell. The first wrapped snakelike around his ankles, coiling them together long enough to trip him._

_He pitched foward, and his face scraped concrete. He felt the sudden, tremendous blow of knees landing on his shell. A light touch at his throat, and then the cold bite of metal, as Karai laced the chain at the back of his neck, and then savagely yanked. His last breath was spat out, as he raised his hands to claw at the chain._

_She smirked from behind and tightened her grip. Leo choked into the spasm, as the last of his air dribbled out into the strangled grunt._

Air! Oh, God, he couldn't breathe! He couldn't BREATHE

_Karai felt the tortured lurch of his hands against the chain, the blood under his nails where he had tried to claw his neck free. She allowed enough slack for him to draw a breath that sounded like it was being inhaled through gravel. Leo wheezed what little he could, whoozy and sickened from the lack of oxygen._

_"As my father told me, Leonardo. Breaking an enemy can be far more cruel than killing him."_

_His eyes were dark and wet with tears as they slid up to hers, almost fever bright._

_"Since my father's death, I have been hard at work regaining what was lost, Leonardo. Do not think that I am content in simply letting your crimes against him go unpunished."_

_The point was emphasized by her twisting the chain, hard against his throat. Another savage yank, as he frantically clawed at the noose to free himself._

_She impassively watched with wry amusement as his movements became spastic, as his tortured lungs screamed and he was reduced to the twitches of a dying cockroach._

_Dying. He was truly, truly dying. The realization floated through his aching head, and exploded into agony as it seared back through his lungs._

Air, AIR! PLEASE-

_Minutes. He had been without air for minutes and was still fighting for his life. She let a few links slide free, and his entire body shuddered with the force of instinctive inhalation._

_He gurgled like he was drowning, too exhausted to do more than tremble and stare at the sky with eyes empty as those of a corpse._

_She waited patiently as the oxygen slowly rounsed him enough to make his eyes flicker into awareness. The hazy, clouded look finally left his eyes, only to be replaced by something entirely new._

_Fear. Fear that make him quake and stare, wide-eyed as a newborn child first gracing the world. Fear that made him stare at his empty hands and reflexively seek his weapons._

_"Leonardo." His flinch was bone deep, as she glided forward, the chain still digging into his throat._

_"Your loyalty to your family is admirable, Leonardo. I imagine that you would do whatever you could to keep them safe."_

_His snarl emerged, but it was rasped out and weak. "...Leave them out of this."_

_He recoiled when she gently pat his shoulder._

_"The burden you carry of keeping your existance concealed is taking a toll on you, isn't it? As you well know, the human world is not kind to freaks of nature. To mutants." The last word was purred, as she knelt to look into his eyes._

_Leo tensed at that, the warning slithering like ice through his veins._

_Karai smirked, and Leo stiffened, expecting to be hit or hurt. Leo's eyes widened in confusion when Karai pulled forth the benign looking cell phone._

_Was she going to call down a team of scientists to butcher him? Was she-_

_"Perhaps it would comfort you now to see your family."_

_Leo watched, numbly, as the cell phone flickered to life, and revealed a crystal clear view of the dojo. Mikey, oblivious to being watched, was giggling and doing flips,_  
_as Raph groused irritably, unseen from the corner. Master Splinter was muttering something and shaking his head, as he tilted his face upward._

_Leo stared as the rat's dark eyes narrowed quizzically at the ceiling. For one hopeful moment, he was looking Splinter in the face. It was gut-wrenching when the old rat simply shook his head and resumed his slow walk to the kitchen for tea._

_"Maybe you would like another view?" She mockingly offered, as she slid her thumb over another button. Leo felt physically ill as the back of Don's shell slid into view._  
_Don was hunched over his laptop, clacking away at some project. Like his brothers and father, he seemed to be completely oblivous to being watched. For all his scanners, alarms, and technological proclivity, Donny was now serenely typing in full view of his enemy and whoever else Karai chose to show this to._

_A few more clicks, and he could only gape as his only refuge and loved ones were gleefully exposed. Every room, every angle, all secrets laid bare._

_"How?" He choked out, bewildered. "How could you do this without us knowing? How in the world did you get past-"_

_The smile curled over her lips. "I thought it would give you comfort, Leonardo, to know that there is now no way that you can ever truly be alone."_

_Leo shivered, but managed to keep the tremble out of his voice. "Leave my family alone, Karai. I'm warning you for the last time."_

_Her smirk thinned into a grim line, as she tightened the chain in warning. "You are in no position to give orders, or threaten, Leonardo. And if I am able to invade your precious refuge undetected, and watch as I please, what truly makes you believe that I couldn't simply kill your family as well? Granted-"_

_She shrugged, non-chalantly, "The cost would be high to the Foot. None of your brothers would simply surrender, and the rat would undoubtably be difficult to subdue. But in the end, any animal, regardless of strength, skill, or endurance, can be slain, even your family. And even you."_

_His eyes blazed with tears, and then hardened._

_"Then take me and leave them alone! What do you want, Karai?"_

_She softly smiled at the demand. Apparently the turtle believed that she was simply going to order the slaughter of his family and force him to watch._

_"As I have said, Leonardo. Why kill when you can torture first?"_

_"Karai-" The chain coiled serpentine around his throat, sunk deeper into his pulse, and now seemed to strangle the world out of existence. She waited for his eyes to flutter close from the lack of air before she let go._

_Breathing made his face contort in agony, as he flopped back, sweating and heaving for air._

_He was stilled by the tip of the dagger digging out a fresh scar right below his chin. "Do you wish to spare your family, Leonardo?"_

_His eyes flickered with hatred, but he was helpless at the moment. "You know I'd give my life for them, Karai." He spat._

_"And so you shall, Leonardo, but not in the way that you think."_

_He tensed again, in alarm, as she simply breathed, and pat his plastron. Somehow, the touch was worse than the dagger._

_"My father also said that the best sort of torture is the sort that errodes the soul from within." She paused, as her fingers curled against his throat._

_"I will make no move to destroy your family, Leonardo, because you will do it for me."_

_Leo winced as the dagger traced another line through his flesh. "My family won't be broken by my death, Karai. If anything, it will just make them more determined to kill you."_

_Her words slid like ice over his very soul. "The wounds of a betrayal often outlive the loss brought by death, Leonardo. And if you wish to spare your loved ones, you will betray _them."

"_What?" Leo whispered, as the thrill of dread seemed to coil deep in his gut. His eyes shot open. "I don't understand! What do you want me to do? Tell me how to save them, please!"_

_The dagger severed any more of his words, as Karai chuckled softly. "I want you to make your family despise your very presence. I want them to look at you with hatred, and cast you out like the monster you truly are."_

_Leo choked back, but couldn't hide the whimper._

_Leaning closer, she almost gently whispered, "As you now well know, your home and your family are being watched, Leonardo. Alert them to this, and I'll simply order a slaughter of all of them. Give me a reason to suspect that you are foolish enough to even hint of this, and I'll kill them all. Attempt to have any of your family members flee, one at a time, or as a group, and I'll simply hunt them down at my leisure. As you have already pointed out, if I can invade your precious refuge with this level of observence, your family has no hope in stealth. I can order your throats slit at any moment. Do not forget that I am well aware of your human friends, Miss O'Neil and Mr. Jones.. I think that you would probably wish to spare them a violent end."_

_The truth was shattering. Leo tried not to crumble completely at the sickening, stunning awareness that Karai could kill them all._

_"You will have three days, Leonardo. Three days in which to errode your family's love for you, betray your brother's trust, and fracture any bond you claim with your father."_

_The chain slackened a bit, and Leo suddenly longed for the numbing stranglehold. It would have been far easier to withstand than this._

_"It has been said that sometimes one must be cruel to be kind, Leonardo. And you will be very cruel to your family if you hope to save them."_

_The dagger swung like a pendulam, winked like a star, and came to rest before his huge, rigid gaze._

_"You will hurt them." Her words felt like bricks being slammed into Leo's soul. An irrevokable order._

_"Never!" The desperate wail exploded as Karai just shook her head._

_"You will hurt them, or I will kill them."_

_Leo's tears rose, then. "I can't." A sliver of a plea, raw horror, a prayer for absolution._

_"A wounding from your hands is far more merciful than killing from my blade. It is your choice."_

_The long, tortured seconds crawled by, as she abruptly hoisted the phone to her lips._

_"Do you doubt me?"_

_The question unfurled like a noose, as Leo could only shake his head, helplessly._

_She smirked. "It is admirable to see that you are not willing to gamble the lives of your family on the chance that I am either lying or making idle threats."_

_Kneeling, she graced fingers over Leo's drawn forehead and ghosted the dagger at his throat._

_"You will have three days, Leonardo, to break your family. You will break their bones, but more importantly, their hearts. Do not think you will evade me by doling out nothing more than bruises. You will wound them deeply, and deliberately. Make them fear you. I want their loathing of you to be earned well."_

_She paused, lingering to savor his torture. "And to prove how much you love them, I expect you to inflict your brother Raphael with a special injury. He will be the first one that I kill if you fail in this."_

_Leo's face contorted. "At the end of those three days, return here alone. Refuse, and savor the blood of your family on your hands."_

_He trembled as the dagger was finally withdrawn. He heard and saw nothing more than the silent footsteps, eyes the shade of obsidion, the cruel curve of her smirk._

_And then she was gone._

_(End of flashback)_

Oblivion slithered away into slowly yielding awareness. Leonardo first felt the rough texture of the dojo mat underneith his splayed fingers. The dull ache in his head flared into agony, as he groaned and tried to clutch his aching head in his hands. He winced and ran a hesitant finger over the bruise at the back of his skull. He inwardly winced, both at the pain and the memory of Donny clubbing him unconscious. Cracking his eyes open, he blinked at the glare of the harsh overhead light. Leonardo rolled into fetal position, gripped the pillow in his fists and used it to muffle his sobbing. Donny had clubbed him, Mikey feared him, and Splinter had drugged him.

Surely this was enough. Surely he had broken his family enough to save them, to appease Karai.

He loved them. He loved them so much that he was willing to inflict this hell upon them to save them. To die for them, if it took that, but to kill?

The acidic guilt seared through his thoughts as he continued the helpless sobbing. Surely by now, Raphael would hate him. Hopelessly, Leo looked at the door, longing to see Raphael kicking it down, both sais ready to plunge through his heart and end this hell. He had kept his silence and spared their lives at the cost of losing his own soul. And in the process, he numbly realized that he was probably beyond any thought of mercy or forgiveness, even if he were to scream out the horrible truth to them all.

And if he did that, they would die.

Losing his soul, losing his life, were almost petty sacrifices now. God help him, he was now losing his family.


	13. These Dark Wounds

These Dark Wounds:

Donny was used to Mikey's never ending flood of chatter, that was welcome, harmless, and easily ignored. It was strange how something so mundane was now so sorely missed.

And now, Mikey sat, silent and rigid as a hunted animal, barely acknowledging Don's gentle hands as he probed Mikey's side in search of any wounds or hidden hurts. Normally, Mikey would fuss and whine about being forced into being still for so long, but now, he seemed frozen and uncertain. Donny inwardly winced when he saw Mikey's disbelieving eyes fall onto Raphael's body.

Raphael had mercifully passed out shortly after the savage removal of his own weapon from his wrist. Don had kept a tense, anguished vigil over his brother, worried over the possibility of shock, or worse. Thank God, Raph had only fainted from the pain, and apparently his overtaxed body had finally given out. Mikey and Donny had lovingly carried his slack body to the cot in the infirmary and bundled him up as well as they could. The mutilated wrist had been hastily cleansed, stitched up, bandaged, and now lay elevated on the pillow next to Raphael. Don took the liberty of injecting the sedative that he knew would keep Raphael unconscious until the very worst of the agony had faded into a more manageable level.

Sighing inwardly, Don winced and rolled his shoulders to ease some of the ache. Mikey tilted his head with concern at the small noise of pain.

"You alright, bro?" Mikey's uncertain whisper was absolutely nothing like his normally bright cheer. Hell, it sounded like a loud noise might shatter the world.

"I'm good, Mikey. Don't worry about me, okay?" Mikey gave him a thin, tolerant smile for his false attempt at reassurance.

"Don…"Mikey's eyes flooded before he blinked back the sudden blur. Swallowing hard, he whispered, "What happened tonight?"

Don's eyes narrowed, and his lips thinned before he finally answered, flatly, "Well, Mikey, Leo tried to kill Raphael, and you."

The tremor of rage was barely concealed as Don shook his head, bitterly. "That's not very hard to understand."

Mikey flinched at Don's brittle tone. "Dude, it _is_ hard to understand. Since when the heck does Leo flip out like that? Have you _ever_ seen him lose it like this?"

Donny was silent, as he very carefully set Raphael's wrist back on the pillow. It was odd how so much blood could have poured out from such a deceptively small wound. The puncture itself just looked like a deep hole embedded in Raph's wrist, carefully held together by the jagged edges of flesh that Don had sewn together after stopping the bleeding and disinfecting what he could. Now, Raph's wrist was adorned by a neat dark line of string and held together by little more than prayer and good intentions.

"Don?" The pleading uncertainty in Mikey's tone finally made Donny halt from his useless but distracting task.

"What is it, Mikey?"

Mikey gave the dojo a long stare before he sat down next to Don. "Do you _have_ any idea what could be wrong with Leo? Like…could he have some sort of brain thingy going on?"

Don inwardly snarled at the desperate, searching hope in Mikey's undertone. He paused to work his curled lips into the wilted, false smile of reassurance.

"A brain thingy? Such as?" His mouth quirked with mild amusement as Mikey shrugged.

"I don't know…like a brain tumor? Or rabies?"

Donny gave Mikey an indulgent pat on the shell. "It might be that Leo's sudden change of behavior is organic and has a biological component. "

Mikey raised an eyebrow. "So, wouldn't that mean that Leo can't control himself after all?"

Mikey flinched at the dark scowl and the sudden lurch as Don rose, quaking with the abrupt and alien flood of rage in his veins.

"Leo has no excuse for this, Mikey. And I'm not going to sit here and exonerate him when Raph nearly died from his actions. "

Mikey made a small sound of protest, before he timidly gestured towards the dojo. "Don, what would you do if the situation was reversed?"

Don breathed a heavy sigh, and tilted his head, to indicate that he was listening. "Reversed?"

"Yeah, dude….like what if it were you flipping out and hurting people? Wouldn't you want us to see what was going on? Try to help? Do something before you hurt anybody else?"

Mikey's hand against his shoulder was warm, and his eyes beseeching as he plunged onward, heedless of Don's anger.

"Don, you just said yourself that you don't know what is making Leo so crazy right now. And if it is something that he has no control over, don't we owe to him to help him? Isn't that what _you_ would want _him_ to do if the situation was reversed?"

Mikey only felt the absence of Don's shoulder as he sharply turned away, and presented Mikey with an unyielding shell.

"Why don't you go see if Master Splinter needs some rest, Mikey?" Don said, flatly, as he sat back down next to Raph.

"And if Leo needs some help?"

Mikey watched as Don shuddered before resuming his thin veneer of calm.

"I'll take care of it." Don said, flatly.

_It? Not him? What, Leo's now just an it?_ Mikey shivered at the disgust and indifference in Don's tone, as he resolutely turned back to Raphael's vigil.

Suddenly terrified, Mikey turned and fled before he had to ponder exactly how Don would take care of "it."

Numbly, Mikey crossed the dark hallway and then halted at the massive, gloaming room of the dojo. The overhead light bulb was dully humming, and cast a wan glow over the chaos left behind.

Equipment overturned, the weapon rack toppled and the various implements flung over the worn mats. And there, in the middle of the mat, screamed the scarlet pool and the heap of bloodied rags that had been left in the rush to save Raph's life. The sai was laying, forgotten in the corner where Don had tossed it. Don's bow was laying forlornly beside it.

Grimacing, Mikey turned away, towards the room where he and Splinter had dragged Leo. He would clean up what he could of the mess, later.

Warily, Mikey drummed his knuckles against Splinter's door, waiting. He heard the tap of Splinter's cane, the shift of cloth and the door was slid open, as Splinter greeted him with a wan smile.

"My son."

"Hey, sensei." Mikey hitched his shoulders, apologetically. "How are you?"

"Do you care to keep an old rat company,Michelangelo? I am deeply troubled."

Mikey nodded, uncertainly. Normally, Splinter saved the deep stuff for Leo. His gut clenched as he stepped in after Splinter's waving paw.

The old rat's room had always felt like home. Here , the sharp edges of bricks were blurred by the Japanese paintings, the cushions, the silk that Splinter had accumulated over the years. The whole place was awash with the wan gold of candle glow. Here, was peace.

"Would you care to sit, Michelangelo?" Splinter asked over his shoulder, as he quietly poured two cups of tea into the chipped porcelain cups.

"Uh, sure, Master Splinter. How is Leo?"

"He is not well, my son. But do not fear him. I will not allow him to harm any of you again."

Splinter shuffled over, placing the steaming tea into Mikey's hands. Mikey breathed out the question.

"How?"

Splinter only gave him a sad shake of his head. "You may see him, if you wish. But it pains my heart make such methods….necessary."

Splinter drew a measured breath. "Do you wish to see him, my son?"

Mikey swallowed hard, and nodded.

"Very well. But brace yourself, Michelangelo. Leonardo is still not himself."

He had been drugged. The bitter realization came from the heaviness of his limbs and the dull slither of his own awareness. The soft mattress, the sheets…. He found himself staring at the unfamiliar ceiling of Splinter's room, and blearily wondering why it was so hard to move at all. Grunting, he tried to raise his left wrist and flinched to feel the tug of something looped over his arm. Leo's eyes shot open in terror. The world tilted and swam before his eyes as his raised his head from the mattress and stared, wide eyed. Shivering, he tried to yank his arms free, his ankles anything.

The realization was as cruel as It was sudden in all of its brutality. Leo numbly stared at the knots securely anchoring both his feet and ankles into the sprawl across the bed.

His family had drugged him and tied him down like an animal. Surely, surely Karai would be pleased with this. And the quicker he was free from this, the quicker he could flee and save what was left of his fractured family.

Attempting to swallow back the mounting panic, Leo tried to raise his left wrist to his teeth, attempting to untie it. He growled in frustration to see that his tether only allowed him to move a few inches. There was no way in hell he could bring his limbs together, or his mouth to the knots.

The hell with it. There was more than one way of getting free. He winced as he tried to twist around, and see if there were any sharp objects in the room.

Nothing. Nothing but bricks, the bed, and these infernal knots. After staring at them for a moment, Leo's heart quelled when the sickening realization hit like a blow.

Splinter had tied them. They were tight enough to keep him bound, but not to the point of cutting off circulation. Enough slack to allow him to move a few inches, but not enough to even let him sit up.

He wished, wished, wished that Splinter had been far kinder and taken his katana to his throat, and ended this whole thing. It would have been so much easier.

He allowed his head to flop back onto the mattress, and shut his eyes, trying and failing to keep the tears from dribbling down his cheeks. All he needed was for Karai to watch him weeping.

The snarled sob rose to a roar as he reared back and shrieked at the unseen cameras, "DAMN YOU! DAMN YOU TO HELL FOR WHAT YOU'VE DONE TO ME!"

Rage cauterized any scrape of reason he had left as he arched against the restraints and tried to hurl himself free. The knots bit into his flesh, but did not yield, or tighten. Infuriated, he curled the few inches he could, and wailed, and thrashed and clawed like a frenzied animal.

From the firestorm that had erupted across his brain, he heard the door open and Splinter's sharp cry of his name. A gentle, steadying paw against his quaking shoulder as he shrieked again and tried to rip his arm free from the kind grip of his sensei.

It was like the shock of water dribbling over the burn, and it only made it worse.

"Leonardo, my son, calm yourself! Please!" Splinter's entreaty seared like acid as Leo shuddered under his hand in tears.

"Leave me ALONE!" Leo screamed as he shut his burning eyes, slumping into exhaustion.

Leo felt Splinter's fingers tighten, and then the brush of fur against his forehead as Splinter tried to soothe him. Leo exhaled and turned his head away.

"Sensei…" Leo breathed out, pleading.

Splinter's caress stopped, but the paw did not leave.

"Leonardo, please. Please tell me how I may help you."

Splinter felt something inside fracture as Leo wrenched himself free from his paw.

"Sedate me."

Leo heard Splinter's sharp exhalation, and Splinter saw the broken pleading in Leo's eyes.

Leo brushed Splinter's paw with his temple.

"Sensei, please. Sedate me, and at least give me a few hours away from _this."_

Splinter's eyes were full of tears. "Why, my son? Why do you demand this of me?"

Leo winced at the agony he had inflicted and drew a breath, scraping and cobbling together every last bit of will to break his father's heart and save his life.

"Because it's all that I have left, Master Splinter. A few hours of oblivion before…" Leo's jaw clamped shut and the words rammed against his very soul. He had come so close to spewing out Karai's demand, and damning them all….


	14. Splinter: The Terrible Knowing

"Because it's all that I have left, Master Splinter. A few hours of oblivion before…" Leo's jaw clamped shut and the words rammed against his very soul. He had come so close to spewing out Karai's demand, and damning them all…

"Before what, Leonardo?"

Splinter's voice was tremoring with the undercurrent of anger and anguish, as he stared down at his oldest son. His dark eyes were full of questions that Leo could not answer.

"Father." Leo choked out, and surrendered to the comfort of the gentle paw on his forehead. Leaning into the touch, Leo ignored Splinter for the moment, wondering numbly how long his family had left, and how much more torture he'd have to give them to save them.

Everything within warred with Leo's crumbling resolve. He wanted to wail the truth loud enough for the world to hear, and beg for Splinter and his brothers' forgiveness. He wanted to fling himself into Splinter's arms, and sob out everything.

His heart broke when he heard Splinter's brittle sigh. "My son….."

_I'm sorry, father. I'm so sorry. I love you. Forgive me, please, please forgive me for this…._

"Leonardo, what is this oblivion that you speak of? What is so terrible that you beg me to drug you rather than help you face this?"

Leo only shook his head in answer, as he tried not to fracture completely.

Hours. Leo felt those hours sliding down on him like a noose coiling around his neck. Moments. Minutes. Time. Too much and not enough to say his good-byes. Hell, all he would be able to leave them was a hated memory forged in the deepest love. And that was only if he was convincing enough to earn their hatred and save them.

His eyes shot open on instinct, scraping over brick and passage way, ears and senses straining to hear footsteps in the tunnels, weapons being drawn, the Foot suddenly overcoming their little haven like a flood and his family-

The image burned through his brain and seared his soul like a brand. His family's dying breaths, as they met their bloodied, abrupt endings, by sword, by beatings, but most of all, Leo's own betrayal.

"Leonardo, you will answer my questions!" Splinter's eyes narrowed dangerously.

"No…." Leo twisted in the nightmare's swoon, wondering blearily if his mind was mercifully snapping from the strain, or if he even had anything left to sacrifice.

Splinter's blurred image flickered into view, and slithered like poisoned ice over his burning, aching thoughts. His family was still alive, but not much longer if Leo didn't get his head together.

"There are no answers. Not for this." Leo managed to change the sob into a brittle snarl.

He felt Splinter's wounded flinch.

Splinter heard Leo's breath being heaved out from his clenched jaws. His fingers knotted against the sheets, and he started trembling.

"Leonardo, my son….what has happened to you? To us?"

"Sensei, I-"

Leo bit back the words abruptly, trembling and sickened at the stupid thing he had almost done. Terrified now, he ignored Splinter's beseeching gaze, and searched the ceiling for the unseen camera. He couldn't choke back the small whimper of relief to see that the shadows in the dojo were only shadows. Karai's legions weren't storming their home.

Yet.

Leo slumped back to the pitiful comfort of the sheets, already exhausted from the strain. Leo ignored Splinter's gentle paw against his bruised cheek.

He shut his eyes in tears, felt the bitter knots against his wrists, drew a nearly sobbing breath.

"My son." Splinter's paw ghosted over his cheek, and thumbed away a tear. Leo flinched and rolled his face away from the caress with a scowl.

He could sense Splinter's paw, still hovering, empty and inches away from his flesh, seeking to give comfort, and faltering into bewildered anguish.

"Leonardo, do you truly believe that I do not care for you? That your brother cannot forgive you for this?

"Why the hell should they?" Leo choked and twisted against the knots, as he screamed, "And why the hell should you?"

The accusation fell between them, as Splinter only gave him that tortured look. "What do you mean, my son?"

Splinter managed to keep his voice calm, and hid his shaking paws in the folds of his robe.

The horrible words felt like acid against Leo's tongue as he swallowed hard, prayed for strength to break what was left and save who he could. Knowing that he would be severing whatever regard Splinter had for him, Leo let the image of Splinter and his brother's shredded remains linger as sick motivation.

"You made me, Sensei. You raised me and trained me to become _this_."

Leo raised his hand the few inches he could and gestured towards his coiled body.

"Four turtles and an old rat aren't family. And I'm not sure that we ever were_._" Leo nearly spat, as he shook his head.

Splinter's eyes were suspiciously wet, but his voice resolved and calm as he finally voiced his greatest fear.

"Leonardo, a family is held together by a bond of love, regardless of whatever species each member may be. We are all that we have in this world-a harsh world that can neither accept our existence or even allow us to _live._"

Splinter's words were carefully measured out, as they fell like rocks between them.

"It was because I knew how harsh this world could be, that I trained you and raised you in the arts of stealth, invisibility, and protection. They were the only hope and future that an old rat could give to his children, to ensure their very survival. I wanted my children to grow up knowing how to care for themselves, and more so, each other."

Splinter's eyes slid to Leo's.

"Leonardo, you have always cared for your brothers, and protected them. What broke their heart, would , in turn, break yours. I have tried, over the years, to guide you all to treat each other with honor, respect, but most of all, with love. Such love between family members forges a bond that is strong enough to withstand anything. In that love, I had hoped to give you and your brothers a source of unity, protection and strength, for the day when I am no longer here."

Splinter sat back, and sighed. "It grieves my heart as a father to even ask you this, my son. Do you no longer love your father, and your brothers?"

Leo's eyes were burning with tears, and his voice was as brittle as shattered glass.

"No."

Splinter bowed his head, closed his eyes, and drew a long breath, before looking at Leo with those ravaged eyes.

The finality was unmistakable, as Splinter slowly rose, quaking. Brushing away the tears from his fur, he whispered, "That does not change that I will always love you, my son."

Leo felt the warm paw tighten against his shoulder, and then slip away. Twisting in the sheets as much as the ropes would allow, Leo forced the words out over the sudden boulder lodged in his throat. He was now at the edge of the cliff. It was far more humane to plummet over the edge than linger here in this fractured world of broken family and his rapidly trickling resolve.

"Send me away." He swallowed back the sobs that were threatening to erupt as Splinter halted, abruptly.

"What are you saying, Leonardo?" Splinter no longer looked grieving, but only resolved, and very sad.

"I'm…"Leo shut his eyes to cobble together every last bit of resolve he had. Faltering for words, he finally continued.

"As the father of_ three sons,_ you're obligated to protect them. …" Leo breathed out, " What happened in the dojo wasn't an accident, a mistake or a temporary loss of control. I _meant to kill Raphael._"

Splinter's eyes narrowed at the slight, betraying tremor in Leo's voice.

The lie slithered out, as Leo forced himself to meet Splinter's unyielding gaze. Before this, Leo had never lied, as a matter of honor. Hell, his glorious sense of integrity was now the perverse reason that Splinter had to believe him now.

Splinter's face twisted, and his whiskers twitched with growing suspicion as he followed Leo's eyes in their desperate search of the ceiling.

Throughout their disheartening situation, the warning of something being wrong had been brooding in his gut with the potency of an on-coming storm. Everything, from the way that Leo's panicked eyes kept darting around as if they were being watched, to the way that he kept trembling like an animal caught in a snare.

Splinter's oldest son had always been the easiest of his four children to read, and understand. And now, each hitching breath was as loud as a scream.

Splinter knew, with unflinching certainty that Leonardo was lying about everything, from his motives for injuring Raphael, to wishing to be sent away from the family.

But why? And what sort of thing could even drive Leonardo to such lengths in the first place? What in the world could make Leonardo strike out at his own family?

Splinter stared down at his son, once more and inwardly cringed. Leonardo looked as if his very soul was being torn from his bones. What sort of torture was Leonardo enduring now?

"Sensei." Leo whispered, as his fingers brushed Splinter's clenched paw. His voice was soft, barely that of a breath, as he shut his eyes, and looked almost as if he were asleep. His eyes cracked open to give the ceiling and their hidden specters another glare.

"Sensei, _send me away. Please!"_

Leo tried to keep the betraying plea soft enough to escape Karai's ears. He had no idea how much she could actually hear, and he did not dare take any chances.

He felt Splinter's thumbs grace his cheek bones, and wipe away his tears. Splinter vaguely raised a paw and beckoned to the room around them. Stooping he carefully embraced Leo, and whispered in to his eldest son's ear, "I love you, my son. And I always will."

Leo felt Splinter's fingers ghost over one of the knots at his wrist for a moment, and a minute tug. Rising, Splinter shook his head with a sigh.

"I must tend to my _other_ sons. " Splinter paused. "I will not sedate you, Leonardo. I would rather you stay awake and think upon the dishonor you have brought to your brothers and to _me._ It would grieve my heart as a father if you so desire to leave this family. However, it would break my heart as _your_ father to see you destroy us all by staying."

Splinter lingered for a moment, before he departed the room with a soft scrape of wood.

Leo waited until he heard the footsteps shuffle away, before he gave the ceiling a murderous glare.

"Enjoy this while you can, Karai. Because when we meet again, I'll kill you."

Rage and helplessness made him fling his wrists in protest against the bindings that held him to the bed. To his surprise, he watched as one of them neatly slid a few inches, and nearly off of his wrist.

Leo scowled in dismay. It was the hand that Splinter had touched. Splinter had loosened the knot.

Leo did not know if he should bless or curse his father's sense of mercy. It took everything he had not to yank his limb free, rip off the knots, storm out and fulfill his promise to Karai. Shutting his eyes once more, he forced his breathing to slow, and his racing thoughts to calm.

Master Splinter knew there was something wrong, and clearly saw the truth through Leo's paltry lies. Leo shivered, trying to derive some comfort in that. But what could his father possibly do, besides endangering himself and Leo's brothers? How in the hell could he warn his family without Karai knowing? What in the hell could he possibly do?


	15. Donny:Hatred

It was an uneasy vigil, only broken by Raphael's occasional stirring and Mikey's snoring. Mikey was curled up , catlike and warm on the small couch, mercifully oblivious to anything else. Don shifted wearily from his perch at the side table beside the bed, and stifled another yawn. His head was starting to throb, the dull edges of pain lacing up his skull, as he shook himself awake again. The rancid coffee that was left in his mug had gone cold hours before. He eyed the dark liquid with distaste and sat it back down.

Don winced as he felt the crick in his neck. Had he dozed off, after all? Worriedly, he squinted at the time, and saw that several hours had slid by. Nothing must have happened, or else he would have heard it. Guiltily, he rose without a sound, taking care to not disturb his sleeping brothers. Warily, he crept to the edge of Raphael's bed, and hesitated before gently taking his pulse. His fingers slid to the vein just under Raph's chin, and he was relieved to feel the reassuring throb of Raphael's heart. His breathing was deep, and regular, not hitching in pain. Raphael, thank God, looked as if he were only in a deep sleep, and not twisted in agony, or fighting not to scream the way he was a few hours ago.

Carefully, Donny unwound the bandages, mindful of aggravating the wound. The stitches, were still even, and holding together the ragged edges of flesh. The skin was not inflamed, just bruised and scarred. When Raph's fingers twitched, Don relished the flicker of movement. It meant that Raphael may not have any severed nerves in his hand. Easing Raphael's damaged limb back to the cushion, Don sat back .

The Lair was thick with the horrible silence. And past the bloodied dojo was Master Splinter keeping an even lonelier watch over his eldest son. Bitterly, Don rose, out of obligation, out of hatred, and out of a dark need to look Leo in the face and possibly pound it into oblivion.

Guilt made him pause, as he palmed the doorway, undecided between venturing to where Master Splinter and Leo were, or staying here in the frail refuge of his two slumbering brothers. Groaning inwardly, Don silently crossed through the dojo, making a mental note to clean up the blood and put the place back together. It would be a useful thing to do if he couldn't sleep, and it would restore some sense of normalcy to what had been a beloved place. He halted in surprise, to see the equipment neatly stowed back on their racks, each blade wiped clean, and all traces of blood gone. The sharp scent of bleach lingered like a cloud. Mikey must have cleaned the place up sometime during the chaos. Don's lip curled into a rueful smile of wan gratitude.

And now, the return to hell. It was strange how hard it was to force his feet to keep walking towards Splinter's door, to raise his hand against the wood and knock, softly.

Unwilling to cause his father more distress, and uncertain that he could look at Leo without exploding, Don made the uneasy compromise of sliding the door open wide enough to peer in. Splinter was serenely perched in the old chair, a blanket draped over his lap. He looked old, and exhausted.

He heard Splinter's gentle, "Enter, my son."

Carefully ignoring the sprawled, tied down figure on the bed, he answered, "Master Splinter? I was just checking on you. Do you need anything?"

Splinter hunched forward, almost as if in warning before Leo abruptly flinched.

Don stiffened in surprise. He had hoped that Leo was still conked out. No such luck.

"Donny?" Don's gut clenched when he heard Leo's ragged whisper. From the corner of his eye, he could see Leo struggle in the futile attempt to rise against the knots.

"Leonardo, you will be silent." Splinter's abrupt order was as harsh as a slap. Don ignored the tears that dribbled down Leo's cheeks.

Donny shut his eyes, tensed with the effort to ignore Leo's beseeching stare. From his corner, Splinter sensed the seething rage, as potent as an underground wire.

"My son, I am well. I do not need anything." Splinter answered, quietly, as his eyes went from Leo to Donny.

Donny gave his father a curt nod, only intending to exit without speaking to Leo at all. Hell, he couldn't even stand the sight of him.

"Donny, wait! Please!"

Leo's plea made him halt and recoil, as his hand lingered in its shaking grip on the knob. Don forced himself to turn towards his hated brother, and show him less mercy than he had given his worst enemy.

Leo wilted under the hatred as he slid the few inches he could away, as if to distance himself.

Miserably, he whispered, "Is Raph going to be alright?"

Don quaked. "You mean to tell me that you give a damn _now?_ Where the hell was all of this brotherly concern when you were driving that weapon through his wrist, Leo?"

Leo flinched, recoiled, but made no attempt to deflect any of the savage blows. Disgusted, and sickened, Don scrubbed his face, and saw the wet against his fingers.

A soft snarl, barely above a whisper, as Don relished Leo's sob and twisting the knife in his side.

"Go to hell, Leo. Go to hell, and never come back." Don could only stare, detached and numb as Leo slumped back, shut his eyes, and wept.

"My son-" Splinter stared at them both, ravaged and bewildered by the alien flare of rage from his quietest son.

"I'm already there, Don."

Leo heard Don's exhalation, but shut his eyes to avoid seeing the actual hatred so strong it made his brother tremble.

"So is Raph." Don spat, as he turned to Splinter. The old rat withered, and seemed to crumble from the agony of seeing his family torn.

Don felt a tinge of guilt for subjecting his father to more torture, but not enough to halt the bitter words.

"I'm sorry, Father. I need to get back to my _brothers."_

He was rewarded by Leo's wince, and Splinter's ravaged eyes meeting his with sad acceptance.

"I understand, my son. I will tend to Leonardo."

"Donny, wait._ Please."_ Don saw Leo's groping hand rise from the blanket and flop in the attempt to wave him nearer.

After seeing Splinter's tears, Don found grace enough to grant Leo the audience of as many moments as he could stomach.

"There is nothing you can say or do that can possibly make any of this right, Leo."

"I know." Miserable agreement and a brittle sigh. "I wasn't expecting anything less."

"What the hell do you want, Leo?" Donny didn't know if his tortured question was a plea, or a demand for any sort of answer, as Leo shut his eyes.

"Do you hate me now?"

Splinter stiffened in surprise, as Donny narrowed his eyes, and nodded.

Leo's soft, sobbing laughter was broken and sick and unexpected as his lips curled into a hysterical smile.

"Good. That's what I needed to hear."

Donny stared at that smirk for a half second before he slammed his fist into Leo's face and relished the loud snap of bone and knuckle.

Splinter recoiled, rose, and engulfed him in shaking arms, as he separated his sons.

"Enough of this, Donatello! You will not harm your brother!"

Donny staggered, and shook his head in the futile attempt to clear the buzzing rage that flooded through everything.

"He's not my brother, Splinter. Not any more." Donny spat the words, as he slammed the door, leaving his father to deal with the aftermath. If he stayed any longer, he would have done far worse to Leo.

In the silence, Splinter stared at the door, numb with horror, and wondering how his family had become so fractured and twisted. His quiet, gentle son had just struck out at his unarmed brother, and relished the wound. And his beloved oldest son was grinning and bleeding like a mad thing.

From his bed, Leo eyed the trickle of scarlet with perverse satisfaction, quaking with the sobbing chuckle. Broken body, broken mind, broken heart. None of it mattered compared to his broken family.

Bewildered by the cruelty, the violence, and Leo's insane reaction, Splinter turned to him sharply, in demand for some sort of answer.

"Why did you do this, Leonardo? Why did you do this cruel thing?"

Leo just quaked and tensed in tears. "I…." He swallowed hard, and forced his mouth to clamp shut.

Ignoring Splinter, he resumed his stare at the ceiling, as his father shook his head, and finally left him alone.

Leo flexed his fingers over the loose knot, feeling it like a noose.


	16. Raphael:Doubt

_A dull, stabbing ache. Quiet darkness, tangled sheets, and fear the color of silvered swords that pinned him down and hurt and –_

_Breathe. Just breathe. Just breathe and wait for the hurting to stop and then open your eyes and see what the hell is going on._

Raphael exploded into waking up as if he were drowning and suddenly drop-kicked to the surface. Gasping and staring at the brick ceiling, he twisted in the soft coolness of the bedding, shutting his eyes and waiting from the calm to come. The agony in his wrist nearly made him scream as the sharp, sudden pain shot through his very bones. Tensing and exhaling through his clenched teeth, he waited for the agony to fade to a more bearable throbbing. When he knew he wouldn't scream, he slid his eyes open again.

His injured wrist had been splinted, wrapped, and carefully elevated by the pile of pillows. Warily, he flexed his toes, and his other hand, noting with relief that aside from bruises and aches, he was intact. Thank God.

Raphael braced his good elbow to the mattress, curled and started the slow process of sitting up. It was irritating to go this slow, but after all that blood loss, he didn't want to faint and bash something else. A few of those embarrassing episodes had taught him that well.

Carefully, he eased himself upward, mindful of the wound, and stopping when the blood pounded in his ears and the dizziness made him moan. Shutting his eyes, he panted and waited.

The dizziness almost made him flop back to the mattress, but it ebbed away as he grit his teeth and stubbornly propped his shell against the wall. It was even harder to move because he had to keep his damn wrist still. When he was ready, he eased the injured limb up a few inches and nearly screamed at the sudden flare of pain. With his good hand he scooped the pillows to his side and set his wrist down with a snarl of pain.

_Damn Leo. _ Raph groused as he stared down at his shattered wrist, and the dull tremble of his fingers. How badly did Leo hurt him? He had been stabbed clean through, had felt his own sai being shoved into the floor. Had the blade cut something inside that couldn't be repaired? Would he be able to even clench his fingers? How in the hell could he live if-

Raphael swallowed back the blur of tears.

_Calm down, you pansy, and quit blubbering. Crying won't do anything to fix this. No point in getting worked up until you know that there's something to get worked up about. _

Snarling, he stared at the gaping hole under the bandages, bewildered and nearly sick with hatred.

_How could Leo do this to me? How could Leo take my own sai and stab me? What in the hell did I ever do to him? How-_

Between the pain of the betrayal, and the actual wound, Raphael couldn't decide which was harder to deal with. He had always hated introspection, inner shit storms, and brooding over things that he couldn't figure out. The hell with it. Figuring out why Leo had done this didn't change anything.

All Raph really knew and needed to know was that Leo had turned psycho on his own family. And even if an angel from heaven came down and beseeched him for forgiveness, the busted wrist was reason enough to hate him.

Screw this useless worrying. It wasn't helping anything.

The snore at Raph's right startled him. Raph was both touched and troubled to see Mikey sprawled and snoring on the sofa, a blanket draped over his shell and his face buried in the throw pillow. Apparently, his baby brother had volunteered to take the night watch for Don. Raphael debated letting him snooze a bit longer, but he couldn't stomach sitting in the dark and wondering what was happening. Was anybody else hurt? Where was Don and Master Splinter? What about Leo?

"Mikey." Raphael whispered, waiting.

Mikey groaned in his sleep, instinctively buried his face in the warmth of the pillow and groaned in answer.

"Mikey!" Mikey rolled over with an annoyed whine.

"Damn it, Mikey, get up!" The order was followed by a pillow being flung and whacking him in the back of the head. Mikey yelped as he shot from the couch, wide-eyed and angry.

"I'm up! What?" He squawked, and pivoted.

"Bout time you woke up, sleeping beauty." Raph snorted in amusement from behind, as Mikey spun around to see his older brother, awake at last. Not only awake, but he had hauled himself upright and had his shell propped against the bricks. Raphael had kicked the blankets into a heap, like he always had….

"Raph! Welcome back!" Mikey felt the worry in his chest collapse like a deflated balloon as Raphael squinted at him in the darkness.

"Yeah, yeah, let's throw a party to celebrate." Raphael groused and winced as he carefully pat the mattress for Mikey to sit next to him.

"Sit down. We need to talk."

Mikey eyed Raphael, worriedly. Had Raph somehow been hit in the head? Why talking? What-

"Raph, how are you, really? Do I need to get Donny?"

Raphael shook his head, scowling. "I'm fine, and there's nothing for Brainiac to fix for now. Now, are you going to sit down, or not?"

Mikey's bewildered eyes flickered for a moment, as he turned towards the door. Sighing and troubled, he finally seated himself on the corner of the bed, waiting.

"I'm here, bro. What is it?" Mikey was strangely quiet and scared.

"What happened when I was out?"

Mikey winced inwardly, and took a shaking breath before the bright smile reflexively appeared.

"Um, not much has happened, Raph. Donny patched you up and went to check on Splinter. You haven't done much but sleep. There's not much to tell."

Mikey answered with a shrug, uneasily. Raphael narrowed his eyes.

"Did Leo hurt anybody else?"

Mikey's grin looked strained as he shook his head. "No. It was just you."

That look of relief on Raph's face felt like a punch to Mikey's gut. And then something hard made Raph's mouth twist into a dark, scowl as he quietly snarled, "Where the hell is Leo?"

The anguish flickered in Mikey's eyes, and the tears welled up. Raphael felt the dread coil in his gut as he numbly waited for the horrible answer.

"Leo…" Mikey looked like a trapped animal in a snare as he helplessly hitched his shoulders.

He felt Raph's good hand ghost over his shoulder, curl around his neck and draw him close. Raphael felt Mikey's tremble and whispered, "Easy, little brother. It's going to be alright."

"No, Raph! It isn't! Leo, he-"

Mikey crumbled then. All the strain of the fighting, and the hurting and seeing his family torn up had finally collapsed his little fortress and he couldn't stop the crying.

" I've never seen Leo like this before, Raph. It's like he's possessed. He woke up screaming and begging Master Splinter to put him to sleep, and then Splinter had to tie Leo down and drug him just to keep him from hurting anybody else! And then Donny went to see him, and Leo told them that he hates us all and wants to be sent away. Raph, _what is wrong with him_?"

Raphael couldn't stop Mikey's tears, and he didn't try. Considering how Mikey had nearly handed Leo's ass to him earlier and defended him, he felt his baby brother was entitled to the crying. Awkwardly patting Mikey's shell, he waited until Mikey was sniffling before he finally answered.

"What do you think is wrong with him, Mikey?"

Mikey buried his face in his hands, and scrubbed away the tears. "I don't know." He whispered, miserably, as he sighed again. "But…" Mikey clapped a hand over his mouth as Raphael tensed beside him.

"But what? Spit it out, Mikey."

Mikey shifted away, as he set his shaking hands in his lap. He looked torn in two as he finally answered, "What Leo did to you was unforgiveable, Raph,, and I…._"_

His voice grew brittle, and his face hard as concrete, as he swallowed hard, and continued, "I'm scared of him, Raph. I'm scared of him, and I hate him for what he's done to you, and to _us._ I mean, he's tied down and drugged! So he won't hurt us! That's something that you do to the Foot, or the Shredder, but not Leo. Not like this."

Mikey's voice was tight with rage as he continued, softly. "You remember how Master Splinter used to tell us over and over again what the humans could do to us if we were ever caught up there? And how many nightmares I'd have about that happening when we were kids?"

Raph nodded. Mikey had woken them all up with screams on more than on occasion. Mikey shrugged, bitterly. "I always expected the humans to be the ones I had to be afraid of. I always thought that _up there_ stayed up there and that we were all safe down here. I never thought that I'd ever feel afraid of one of my brothers, Raph. I never thought that I'd ever be more scared of Leo more than the Foot."

Raph's lip worked in his teeth, as he finally asked, "Mikey, you think Leo's responsible for all of this, then? For stabbin' me?"

Mikey sighed heavily, as he flung a hand in the air. After a long, troubled silence, he finally answered.

"He stabbed you, Raph. And nobody held a gun to his head and forced him into it."

"Ya sure about that?"

Mikey's face twisted in confusion as he glared down at Raph's wound.

"Dude, the hole's right there. Exactly what is there to _not_ be sure of?"

Raph's fingers twitched, as the doubt clawed at him. His brother had stood over him and stabbed him and nearly killed him. What else was there to say?


	17. Leonardo:Reverberation

Leo tasted the blood, the ache, but it didn't hurt nearly as much as Don's eyes seething with hatred, the sudden blow, those tortured moments when Don glared down at him, fingers twitching in helpless coils as if he wanted to strangle Leo with his bare hands.

Leo would have welcomed it. And when Don had snarled and exited, it was all Leo could do to not beg him to come back and beat him until the guilt came out in every bruise, in every well-earned broken bone.

Leo winced as he s shook his head. The small trickle of scarlet itched as it smeared and dried down his cheek. Instinctively, he raised one wrist to dab away the mess, and was reminded yet again that he was tied down, as well. It would only take him working his teeth over the knot on his right wrist to get himself free. Splinter had tied the cloth deceptively loose. Hell, the sheet, rope, whatever it was, was almost sliding off of his wrist. Leo nearly yanked himself free, until his blood ran cold at the sick realization of what he had almost done.

Karai. The loose knot. Karai would surely notice how odd it would be for Splinter to both fear and hate Leo, and yet give him such a painfully obvious escape route. Splinter was no fool, and this was no error.

Leo swallowed back the tears. Even now, his father was trying to save him. Did Splinter somehow know? It didn't matter. It changed nothing, except give Leo a sliver of hope that he could be forgiven when all of this hell was over with, if he lived through it.

Splinter had shut the door with such an air of finality, Leo felt it as if he were slamming the door to his tomb. Each tear hurt worse than a stab wound, and it took every bit of Leo's crumbling resolve to keep still, keep silent, keep twitching his hands against the knots, keep dismantling his family, keep the erosion until there was nothing left to save.

This had to be what hell was like. Being alone and hated in a room that once felt like home with the ones he was slowly killing to save. It made his soul ache against his ribs as he lay his sweated head back in the soft lump of pillow somebody had stuffed beneath his skull. The sob rammed its way past his clenched teeth, rose high against his ragged breath, bolted like a wounded rabbit, and settled down into a groan.

He could keep his silence but not the tears. He blanched as he felt the wet trails slithering down his cheeks, escaping his clamped eyelids.

He felt his resolve fraying like a noose. All it would take a scream, an explanation, an apology. The words were just on his tongue, ready to be hurled, when he remembered that hideous scrape of Karai's katana against his throat, the brutal helplessness, the sickening promise she made. Would he be saving his family, or damning them?

Was Karai watching him fracture? He flinched at the thought and swallowed back a sob. He stared at the ceiling, searching desperately for some clue as to where the hell Karai's camera was. He could see nothing, but if she was bright enough to bug the Lair, she wouldn't be putting it in view where it could be tampered with. For all he knew, she could have rigged up an explosive to bomb them literally to hell.

That thought only brought him on the verge of tears. He hovered there, clamping his jaw and eyes shut until he could blink back the wet blur and not break down into hysterics.

A bomb. It was completely possible.

He trembled at the thought, warring with himself to stop the damn quaking and think straight. Going over every possibility of what she could do was pointless torture. Later, later, he might have the luxury and time to indulge in anguished contemplation, but for now, he had to figure out what the hell to do, and quickly.

_Meanwhile….._

"Dude, the hole's right there. Exactly what is there to _not_ be sure of?"

Mikey's snarl was ugly, and strange, and _wrong._ Raph recoiled, but Mikey either didn't notice or care to comment.

Raph's fingers twitched, as the doubt clawed at him. His brother had stood over him and stabbed him and nearly killed him. What else was there to say?

_Plenty_

Raphael growled as he eased himself over to the edge of the bed, and cautiously swung his legs downward. He grunted, and nearly flopped back into the sheets when the world tilted and the rush to his head nearly toppled him. Wincing, he swallowed back vomit and stilled until the horrible ache and dizziness faded. Holding out his good arm towards Mike, he curled his fingers towards him.

"Mikey. Help me up." Raph hated that pleading sound of his own voice.

Mikey stared, wide-eyed and rigid. "Raph, you need to take it easy, bro. You were just _stabbed."_

He regretted it when he saw the memory flicker in Raph's eyes, that sick, stunned terror of a trapped animal, before Raphael resumed his more familiar scowl.

"Damn it, Mikey, you think that I'll ever _forget_ this?" Raphael narrowed his eyes, trembling.

Maybe Mikey could forget and go on with his merry ass life. Raph knew that he'd be dreaming about sais, hot and wet and dribbling scarlet with his own blood every time he closed his eyes, every time he saw Leo, every time he looked down at his scarred wrist and ran a finger over that big damn hole.

The hell with it. He was getting answers.

"You gonna help me, or am I going to crawl?"

Mikey gave the dojo door a glare, before he turned back to Raph. His eyes darkened as he bent his knees and gently slung Raph's good arm over his shoulders.

"I'm only doing this because I don't want to watch you crawl, Raph. And if you start hurting at all, you tell me. Got it?"

He waited until Raph finally gave him a glare and a nod. Sighing, Mikey shook his head. Stooping to help Raph balance, he waited until his brother hobbled to his feet, and shifted most of his weight to Mikey's shoulder.

Carefully, they lurched their way towards Splinter's room, Mikey carefully easing Raph to a standstill, and Raph's face paling with sweat.

Even the slow, quiet walk had cost Raph. He was gasping for air, and nearly slumping across Mikey's shell to keep upright.

Raph must have been hurting a lot more than he let on to look like that, Mikey thought dully, as he stared at Splinter's door, for answers that he knew wouldn't come.

"You okay?" Mikey asked worriedly, as Raphael shut his eyes and ground out through clenched teeth, "Mikey, never mind, just take me to Leo's room before I fall over."

"Raph, this is insane. You need to get back into bed and rest."

Cracking his eyes open into a squint, Raph only breathed out, "Mikey_,_I'll go to bed like a good boy and let you tuck me in. After I talk to Leo."

Mikey looked at Raph's withered face, the dull twitch of his fingers curled against Mikey's neck, that wrist wrapped up like a Christmas present.

"Raph, what can Leo say to possibly take any of this back?" His voice was frigid, fracturing like ice.

Raph shuddered at Mikey's weird, cold tone. "Mikey, it's not about Leo takin' anything back. I need answers. I can't just…." Pain flickered over Raph's face as he tensed and choked down the groan.

"Mikey, I don't want to have this scar on my wrist without a damn good reason. Maybe Leo's finally gone completely nuts. Maybe Leo's finally cracked, I don't know. But I can't just think that he'd up and hate us. I can't think that he'd do something like _this-"_

His eyes scraped his wound.

"Without a reason. This ain't Leo. It can't be."

Mikey's sigh escaped like a slow trickle from a rapidly crumbling dam.

"If it's not Leo, then who was it, Raph? Did anybody besides Leo happen to stab you?Or did you lose so much blood that it messed up your memory about what happened?"

Mikey bit back the sarcasm when he saw Raph's jaw tighten and that awful trembling reverberating through his frame. "I was there. "

The words were sharp as a whiplash as Raph softly snarled, "I was there, remember? I was there when he stabbed me, there when he laughed about it, there when I was bleeding and wondering if I was going to live. That ain't enough for you?"

"_I was there, too!"_ Mikey nearly shrieked as he rounded on Raph, furiously. "And you wouldn't be if it weren't for me and Don and Splinter, Raph! Leo tried to kill you, and you're trying to excuse it? Why?"


	18. Leonardo: Twisting the knife

The silence crawled, and the binds were starting to itch. Leo kept twitching indecisive fingers against the soft warmth of Splinter's quilt, knowing that all that was needed was a quick, savage twist, and he would be free.

A few quiet steps out of the Lair, a moment to pilfer whatever weapon he could snatch, and his family would be left with his gaping absence, the empty bed, the unexplained wounds.

His family would never know of his hell, or that he was sacrificing his life to save theirs. Leo didn't expect Karai to let him live, let him go, or even give him a last word. They never even know that he was dead, they would only know that he had left them.

Leo swallowed back tears.

_Enough with the crying. I can cry all I want afterwards._

He drew a steadying breath, gave the ache in his heart a few more second's tribute.

_This is the good-bye. Of all the ways I thought I would leave…..God help me, it wasn't supposed to be like this!_

Leo choked back the sob, gave himself a few more moments to collect his shattered nerves. Breathing deeper, he shut his eyes, and forced himself to center, to calm, and then, to plan.

He had to get the hell away from the Lair, and he had to warn his family. It was stupid to think that Karai would graciously allow his father, his brothers, April and Casey to live.

Leo growled in frustration, and let his aching head flop back into the softness of the pillow. His fingers brushed the knots again, and ghosted over the loose one.

Splinter had left it loose on purpose. Leo took some bitter solace in knowing that one family member still thought he had some worth.

Splinter also knew something was clearly amiss, but without specifics, what good would that do?

The Lair was under surveillance. His family was being watched. Telling them would be killing them.

Leo weighed his narrow options, and growled in frustration. April and Casey may or may not be under watch. Maybe he could somehow contact them and warn his family.

Maybe he should just call them all in here, scream out the truth, and all of them run like hell. How long would they have until the Foot came? Where would they go?

There were too many possibilities, too many unknowns, and Leo hated being so helpless.

_Stop the useless speculation. You can't do anything about that yet._

Leo sighed as he stared down at the knot. None of his plans were of any use until he could decide to free himself from the knots and flee, or wait.

_And what exactly am I waiting for?I can't tell them good-bye. I can't apologize. I can't tell them I love them, or even explain that I'm saving them. Leaving them like this is hell, but staying is worse. The longer I lay here and bawl, the less time I have to actually __**do **__something. So, this is it, then. _

Leo raised his fist, curled back his lips and prepared to work the loose knot over with his teeth. At least if Karai was watching his "escape," he'd put on a convincing show that Splinter had no part in it.

Leo tensed at the sound of footsteps, the almost timid slide of the door.

Leo quickly lay back, shut his eyes, and forced his erratic breathing to slow as if he were only sleeping. It wasn't the nearly silent glide or gentle tapping of Splinter's cane.

From the lurching wince…_Oh, God, it was Raph_.

Leo heard the sound of a chair scraping across the floor, somebody abruptly slamming it down, and somebody angrily flopping into the chair.

Leo flinched at the shock of something metal and very sharp being jabbed at his ribs. It was more of a mocking poke, Raphael wasn't even exerting enough force to break his skin.

Shaking and now, nearly sick, Leo's eyes shot open and fell on the trembling sai that glittered in the wan light.

Raphael chuckled at his terror, as he sat back with a shake of his head and a bitter, knowing smirk.

"Nice to see you awake, Fearless." Raphael sounded eerily pleasant as he savored Leo's uncertainty. Hell, Fearless was tensing up like a scared rabbit under a hawk.

Good.

Leo was silent, and did nothing but warily watch as Raph twirled the sai with his good arm and let it dangle. Leo had only afew inches of leverage, he was weaponless, and if he were lucky, Raphael would be gracious and shove the sai right through his heart.

Raph eased himself into a more comfortable position, carefully setting down his injured limb to rest over the back of the chair.

Leo winced, looking bewildered and lost as he stared up at Raph's wounded arm.

_I inflicted that damage to you, Raph. It was the last thing that I ever wanted to do, and the only thing I could do to save you. I'm sorry. I am so , I will never forgive myself for what I've done to you. _

Leo clenched his eyes shut until he could look at Raph without sobbing. He choked back everything, and felt like he was holding in a volcano. Forcing his lips to curl into a brittle smirk, he gave Raph's sai an almost irritated glance.

Leo managed to sneer out, "Come to even the score?"

Leo expected Raphael to recoil, explode, or run him through. Any reaction except Raph's anguish that was quickly masked by his scowl. Eyes narrowing, Raphael shook his head in disgust, as he sighed.

"Drop the act, Leo. You ain't fooling me."

Leo's cobbled together bravado crumbled into rigid, shaking fear. Trembling, Leo rose on his elbows, looking as if he were going to be sick.

Raph paused to relish the abrupt change, but stopped the sarcasm when he saw Leo's terror. Hell, Fearless had never looked that scared of anything.

"Raph!" Leo whispered, as if he were afraid of being overheard. Eyes darting around the room, and towards the ceiling, Leo looked like a hunted animal. Scowling, Raph looked up, and wondered how in the hell the familiar bricks of the ceiling were anything to freak out over.

Leo flopped back, limp, chest heaving as he buried what little of his face he could into the pillow. Snarling through his tears, he choked out, "Get out."

Raphael's eyes narrowed, and hardened..

"I ain't leaving until you tell me why in the hell you stabbed me." Raph's voice was strangely quiet and waiting.

In those few seconds, Leo's fear had gone from dull ache to frenzied panic.

_Raph, damn it, shut up! Shut and leave before she hears and kills you! Please, Raph! Please, just hate me, and leave me before I fall apart and I can't keep it in any more. Please, Raph….._

"Because I wanted to! There's your reason! Now get out!" Leo nearly shrieked, as Raph only shook his head with a snort.

"Leo." Raph was unearthly calm as he gestured towards the door. "You may have them all convinced that you're just a headcase who flipped out but you ain't _fooling me."_

_Twist the knife in Raph's side. Twist it until he's so pissed off and shattered that he beats me to death and stops all of this. God help me, I don't know what else to do…"_

Leo jerked his head towards Raph's weapon. This was Raph. The best way to derail this dangerously revealing conversation was to stir the coals abit. Provoke an attack and let Raph's rage burn it all down.

"Did you come to retaliate? Come on, Raph-" Leo nearly purred, "I'm helpless. You have a fighting chance to plunge your weapon right through my chest and get your revenge. Go on. Take it."

Raphael squinted, as he brushed a finger over his weapon. He smirked, and shook his head. "So, that's your game plan, fearless? Piss me off until I throw a hissy fit and forget _this?_"

Raph raised the bandages a few inches.

Leo narrowed his eyes,and breathed out, " game plan was for me to kill you."


	19. You Can't Save Me

"The game plan was for me to kill you."

Leo breathed out the words, let them sharpen, and stab as he shut his eyes to keep the tears from dribbling down on the pillow. He should at least have grace enough to look Raph in the eyes as he toppled whatever regard Raph might have had left.

He should open his eyes, watch the shattering, watch Raph explode and hopefully shove the sai through his gut.

Leo trembled, and twisted in the overwhelming silence, waiting for Raph's reaction.

Leo heard Raph's long, slow sigh, and grunt, the shift in the chair, the quick wince of pain.

Guilt seared, the scream welled up, and was strangled by Leo's twist in the sheets, the swallowing back of an oceans's worth of sobbing. Terror for Raph's safety kept Leo's jaw clamped shut, and the truth firmly rammed behind his teeth.

_Raph, please…please leave, now. Please don't force me to drag this out. Please don't force me to hurt you anymore. I can't take much more of this, I can't! It's killing me, can't you see that I hate this?_

Cracking his eyes open, Leo saw Raph's lips twist, and his eyes wide and wounded a moment. Leo's heart sank when Raph shook his head with a brittle snort, and only stared down at him with dangerously narrowed eyes.

"You're a piss-poor liar, Leo. Always have been." Raph chuckled, bitterly.

_Raph….no. No! Shut up! Shut up and leave before she hears you! Why in the hell can't you just keep your big mouth shut for once? _

Leo shuddered, as he hoisted himself up the few inches he could. He had to stop this conversation, _now._ Hopelessly attempting to work his quaking jaw into an indifferent smirk, Leo gave Raph's wrist a scathing glance.

"You have no idea how close you truly were to not having this conversation at all. Now get out."

Raph flinched at the brutal indifference, emphasized by Leo's disgusted sigh and his turning away the few inches he could.

"You ain't getting off that easy, Fearless. And I'm not leaving until you answer me."

And before Leo could yelp, he heard the chair scrape across the floor, and felt Raph's heavy, trembling fingers wrench under his chin and force him to roll his head towards him. Leo growled, and tried to twist his neck back, but it was either face Raph or have his bones snapped.

Raphael heard Leo's small whimper, the odd surrender when he shut his eyes, before relunctantly rolling his face back towards him.

Leo narrowed his eyes and jerked his face towards the wound.

"I _stabbed _you."

He felt Raph's fingers unclench under his wind pipe as Raph heavily sat back in the chair, eyes huge with shock and pain.

"_Why?"_ Raph's good hand curled over the bandages, as he slowly raised his injury, blinking as if he'd never seen it before.

Holding his wrist closer to Leo's face, Raph watched as Leo's eyes flickered with some emotion that he couldn't name.

"Why did you do this to me, Leo? How in the hell _could _you do this?"

Leo's eyes flooded, as he blinked frantically, nearly sobbing the snarl.

"It was easy. I just overpowered you and ran you through with your own weapon. You were there, weren't you? "

_Forgive me, Raph. Please, please, forgive me and get the hell away! Please get mad enough to throw a fit and leave like you always have before. Please don't force me to drive you away. I can't stand much more of this…._

Raph exhaled, as that bewildered, wounded look left his face, and hardened into a strange resolve. Something awful had been confirmed.

Leo waited for Raph to leave, but Leo's frantic prayer was unanswered. Raph didn't explode. Hell, he was calm and quiet as he sat back in the chair.

The warning flickered in Leo's gut as Raph shook his head.

Raphael tilted his head, ignoring Leo's crumbling hysterics, eyes narrowed and oddly thoughtful.

He grit his teeth as he quietly snarled out the heavy words. "Cut the crap, Leo. I ain't buying the act."

"It's not an act!" Leo nearly shrieked out the desperate attempt, as Raph snorted and shook his head.

"Ya want some roses with that Oscar, Leo? I told you. Ya ain't fooling me. And I ain't leaving until I get some answers."

Leo watched in despair as Raph resolutely draped one leg over the other and lounged back, wincing when he moved his wounded wrist the wrong way.

"I gave you your answer. Now get out." Leo growled in warning as he tensed and gave the ceiling a tortured glance.

Raph's confused scowl deepened. Why the hell did Leo keep looking at the ceiling like it was threatening to fall on them all? Uneasily, he raised his eyes to the familiar bricks, and almost raised his head.

Leo felt the frenzied ball of terror lodged in his gut grow claws.

_Raph, please don't look up! Please-_

The panicked instinct took over, as Leo suddenly lurched upward, with a strangled cry. Wrenching forward the few inches he could, Leo twisted against the bindings, as he hissed, "I wish I had finished it, Raph! I wish that I had taken your weapon and rammed it straight through your heart! Now _get out!"_

Raph recoiled with the speed of a striking cobra as he hefted the sai in his good hand and clubbed Leo across the temple with the pommel.

The dull crack sounded like a gunshot in the horrible quiet as Leo flopped back into the sheets.

Raph numbly stared at the weapon in his hand, and then at Leo's twisted, heaving sprawl. The sai clattered to the floor, ignored, as Raph stood, rooted to the floor, towering over his brother, wondering why in the hell he didn't pick up the sai and finish it all.

The wound throbbed in horrible reminder. Raph grimaced as the cleansing wave of pain washed over the world, and retreated into the dark. It felt like drowning, it was so hard to fricking think or breathe or know….

Why didn't he stab Leo?

Why in the hell did he just club Leo in the head? It was a blow that merely glanced off his skull, out of instinct, out of anger. From the way that Leo was twisting against the sheets, it wasn't even hard enough to send him into oblivion.

Raphael was tense, trembling, his good hand open, fingers blindly clutching air as he stared down at the sai . His eyes slid to his wound.

Leo writhed against the thundering ache in his skull, blinked and wrenched his eyes open.

Woozy from the blow and slurring, he whispered, "What are you waiting for? Finish it."

Leo shut his eyes, numb and waiting for the killing blow that he vaguely wondered would hurt or be so fast that he felt nothing. Raph would be quick. He wouldn't just stop with one stab wound and leave him alive to be tortured.

Leo heard Raph's grunt as he stooped to pick up his weapon. His eyes cracked open to see Raphael scowling as he shook his head.

Twirling the sai with his good hand, Raph's eyes slid towards over the shimmering metal. Leo's eyes buldged as Raphael only tucked his weapon back into its holder, and sat back, laying both hands in his lap.

"Why?" Leo breathed out thickly as he rolled his head against the pillow. "Why are you leaving me _alive_?"

Raph narrowed his eyes in sudden, sick understanding. "That's what you get me so worked up and pissed off that I'd just run ya through. You really thought I'd _kill you, Leo?"_

Raph fell silent in disbelief, as Leo's mouth quirked. "I was sort of counting on it, Raph. Now is a very, very odd time to finally learn how to manage your anger."

"Oh, I get it." Raphael's voice was burning as acid, when his bitter, broken chuckle filled the room.

"You don't have the guts to do yourself in, but you have it in you to stab me and hope that I do the job for you. Fearless, my ass."

Raphael waved a hand with a snarl. "Come on, Fearless. It ain't that complicated, is it? You could have wondered off into the sewer somewhere and fall on your sword. You could have gotten yourself shot. Hell, you could have taken a weekend off at the farmhouse and just did yourself in there, where nobody would find you. And out of all the ways to die, you pick _this?"_

Raph raised his sai, and blinked back tears. "You sick _son of a bitch!"_

He shoved his brutalized limb inches from Leo's eyes and watched as Leo flinched and tried to look away.

"Oh, no, big brother. You ain't getting off that easy." Raphael's sai ghosted over his quaking throat, knicked him above his jawline, and Leo could either roll his head or get another scar. When he didn't move fast enough, he heard Raph's growl, and the familiar thundering ache as Raph clubbed his temple with the sai's pummel.

Stunned into surrendering, Leo allowed Raph to roughly shove his face towards the wall, and his eyes dully swept over Raph's bandages.

"You wanna know why I'm not running you through? You really want to know why I don't just stab you in the guts? Because I know that _this feels like."_ Raph snarled.


	20. The Weaving of the Noose

"Oh, no, big brother. You ain't getting off that easy."

Raphael's sai ghosted over his quaking throat, kicked him above his jaw line, and Leo could either roll his head or get another scar. When he didn't move fast enough, he heard Raph's growl, and the familiar thundering ache as Raph clubbed his temple with the sai's pummel. Stunned into surrendering, Leo allowed Raph to roughly shove his face towards the wall, and his eyes dully swept over Raph's bandages.

"You wanna know why I'm not running you through? You really want to know why I don't just stab you in the guts? Because I know that _what this feels like."_Raph snarled.

There was only that bitter, loaded silence, as Leo just shut his eyes and let his head fall back with a wince.

Raphael watched as Leo groaned, plastron heaving, fingers twitching against the sheets and the knots that Splinter had cocooned him in. Leo's dark eyes were smeared, wet, and nearly glazed over, as Leo finally rolled his lulling head to meet Raph's accusing glare.

And Raph's gut clenched when Leo gave him that mocking, cruel smirk. The brittle chuckle of amusement was like breaking glass, harsh and scraping past Leo's bloodied lips, filling the room, swelling outward.

"And what makes you think I give a damn? If I cared, I wouldn't have stabbed you in the first place." Leo narrowed his eyes, and hissed out.

Leo shook his head and spat, "This would be amusing if it weren't so pathetic. After all the times I lectured you on controlling your anger, you decide to listen _now?_Here's a scary thought for you. Do you think I would have stopped with just your arm?"

Leo's sick, horrible laugh. Those eyes that once held so much warmth were now like staring into an open grave.

Leo's body trembled as the snickers erupted from his gut, as he arched his neck back into the pillow and fragmented into the sobbing chuckles. It felt like agony.

Raphael swallowed back the vomit, and lurched backwards, feeling his shell collide with the wall, the throbbing of his wound searing through his arm like thunder. The pounding in his brain erupted as the room wobbled before his teary eyes. Raphael didn't know if he was sliding to the floor or if the Lair had suddenly been shook by an earthquake, everything was so blurred and smeared and confusing.

The blood pounded to his temples, and he couldn't stop the shaking. Leo's cackle had suddenly turned into a shrill whine. The door shot open, and Don sprang through, with his bo staff drawn and Mikey peeking fearfully behind his shell.

Donny hesitated for one tortured second, calculating the threats against the instinct. Raphael was withered and sliding downward, the sai dangling from his fingers as he curled and nearly toppled.

And Leo was laughing.

Something inside Donny's soul fractured into nothing but rage. He snarled, curled his fingers around the bitter familiarity of his bo, and swung.

The collision of wood against Leo's bones sounded like a thunder-clap, it was so loud and cruel. Donny ignored the smear of red, Mikey's shriek and pleading hands against his shell.

Donny snarled again, shoved Mikey away, and swung again. The second blow caught Leo flush in the mouth, splintered his lips against his teeth, made Leo's body rise and fall with the force of the strike.

Leo's head lulled, the thin scarlet trickle dribbling from his bloodied temple. Donny raised the bo again, ready to club the horrible sight from his eyes, ready to beat that hated flesh out of existence.

From behind, Donny heard somebody shrieking his name, pleading with him to stop.

He raised his bo again, suddenly heard the scrape of metal against wood, and Raphael materializing between him and Leo. Numbly, Donny noted that Raph had hooked the pummel of the sai over the bo staff.

"_Stop!"_ Raphael's voice was only a breathed out sliver of sound, but Donny felt it like a bucket of ice being dribbled over his searing rage.

Mikey hovered between them, helpless. Raphael's eyes flickered towards him.

"Mikey. Get Master Splinter." Raphael barked out as Mikey nearly flew, he disappeared so quickly.

Donny lowered his weapon in shame, the sickening guilt washing over him like a drowning tidal wave. How in the hell could he have done this?

He swallowed back tears, tried and failed to say anything as Raphael winced and stored his weapon.

Donny lay the bo staff down, trying not to stare at the scarlet that coated both the wood and the sheets and his brother's skull.

Donny heard Splinter's shuffling, the gentle tap of his cane.

"My sons." Splinter paused in anguish, as he cupped a hand to Leo's bleeding cheek, and raised his reddened, trembling paw. Leo's face was bruised, and swollen, the mottled purple arching across from his busted mouth to his left eye. His bloodied temple bore the dark indention from Donny's strike.

"Is Leo going to be alright?" Mikey asked softly.

"Donatello, you will help me with Leonardo. Michelangelo, assist Raphael to his room, and stay there with him until I come to speak with you both." Splinter snapped abruptly.

Mikey only stared with those huge, scared eyes, as Raph finally groaned, and gently shoved Mikey forward with his good arm.

"Come on, Mikey. You heard 'em."

Mikey stumbled out of the room, his eyes never leaving Leo.

Splinter waited until Mikey and Raph were gone before attempting to address the situation before him. Mercifully, Donatello's moral instinct to help any in need had returned, because the turtle was silently examining the wounds, with shaking fingers. Donny recoiled at the blood, the withered grimace of pain, how tightly shut Leo's eyes were.

His two hits were cruel, and painful, but Leonardo was still breathing. True, the bruises looked horrible, but Donny secretly harbored the smug, sick satisfaction in knowing that Leo had at least gotten some taste of his own medicine at last. If Donny truly wanted Leo dead, he would have been doled him out a skull fracture.

_What in the hell is wrong with me?_ Donny winced when he stared at the aftermath.

This was the second time that he had hit Leo. Was he falling into madness as well?

He was distracted by the sound of running water, as Splinter came back with an arm full of rags, the first aid kit, and a large bowl of water.

Splinter quietly shut the door behind him, pausing to cobble together his fragmented nerves and resolves into the frail veneer of calm and peace he would need to help his sons. Raising beseeching eyes to the heavens, he breathed inward until he felt calm enough to turn and face yet another agonizing act from his sons.

Sighing, Donny flung a hand at Leo's battered face, and whispered, "He'll be alright. I didn't hit him hard enough to do much more than put him out for a few hours."

Splinter knelt with the rag, gently dabbing away the blood from Leo's face.

"You were cruel to your brother, Donatello. The fact that you did not injure him more severely does not change that fact."

Splinter's fingers clenched at the cloth as he looked up at Donny.

Donny's head snapped up at that, his eyes narrowed and dark. "What about what he's done to Raph? To _us?_"

Donny bit back another snarl, inhaled in the attempt to calm himself. Out of the four of the Turtles, he almost never mouthed off to Splinter like this.

"Master Splinter, I am sorry for my disrespect." He bowed his head, apologetically, before continuing, "but what are we going to do? This _thing_ here that stabbed Raphael and threatened the rest of us is not my brother. I can't forgive this. Not when I'm worrying that Leo may attack and do worse the next time."

Splinter blinked back tears, before he forced out the choking words, and the comforting paw to rest on Donny's rigid shoulder.

"I will not sacrifice three of my sons to save the life of one, Donatello. Nor will I ask that of you. This, I promise."

Splinter cupped his head, allowed his fingers to convey some comfort.

And a preview to the next chapter:

Mikey felt the edge of the katana tremble at his throat, threatening to slice it open but never even gracing his flesh enough to cut. Leo's breathing was ragged in his ear when he slid his other arm across Mikey's plastron. Mikey shuddered at the unknown threat, as the tears kept spilling down his face and the sobs nearly brought him to crumbling. He didn't want to die!

His shrill whine of panic was abruptly severed when Leo withdrew the blade from his throat and sheaved it.

Mikey felt Leo's gentle hands steady him to his feet, and grip his shoulders. Leo peered deep into his eyes for one, long moment.

"Mikey, I'm sorry." Leo whispered in agony, as he let go of his baby brother and everything that he had left to give.

Mikey nearly toppled from the shock, numbly grateful that Leo had apparently decided to let him live after all.

Mikey flinched in terror as Leo inched away, palms wide and pleading to show that he meant no harm.

Mikey stared, bewildered as the tears trickled down Leo's face. "Forgive me. Please."

Mikey yelped as Leo suddenly lunged forward, gathered him up in his shaking arms and crushed him to his plastron in the fierce embrace.

"Good-bye, Mikey." Leo whispered, as he let him go.

And Leo had vanished before Mikey could even answer.


	21. Leonardo: The Last Rites Of A Brother

"I will not sacrifice three of my sons to save the life of one, Donatello. Nor will I ask that of , I promise."

Splinter cupped his head, allowed his fingers to convey some comfort. He felt Donny flinch in revulsion, and anguish when he glared down at Leo again.

Rising with a grimace, he stared down at Leo, shaking his head with disgust. "I'll stitch his scalp."

"You do not have to do this, my son." Master Splinter whispered.

Donny sighed heavily, as he made his way out of the room. "I know."

The old rat only breathed out, and sat down by Leo's head, grimly. "You are a good brother, Donatello."

"Leo used to be, too." Donny tossed over his shoulder as he left. Master Splinter stared down at Leo for a moment, and began the sad task of replacing the blood-soaked bandage around his head with some pristine cloth.

Leo nearly cried out at the sudden, sharp tilt upward, as Splinter cupped his head and hoisted it.

Splinter quickly pulled out the old, bloodied pillow, and shoved two in its place, to prop up Leo's head for a better angle.

It took every scrap of Leo's crumbling self-control to keep the hitch of his breath the same. The acidic taste of bile set fire to his throat. His skull was pounding with a numb thud, as if somebody had wrapped a baseball bat in a quilt and struck him.

Donny may have left Leo for dead, but the lingering hatred lay over Leo like skin, it was so close.

Leo felt Donny's glare against his closed eyes like a brand, it was so vicious. After so much silence, and seething things left unsaid or unexplained, Leo could even sense the change in Splinter's touch.

Normally, the old rat would have been mindful of the aches, and would have handled Leo's wounds with the care given a holy relic.

But now, Splinter was almost scrubbing away the blood like he was scouring rotten food from an unwanted pot. Quickly, with distaste, and no regard to how hard it was for Leo to bear.

A few quick dabs of the rag, Splinter's disgusted sigh, his lurching shuffle out of the room, and the door shut with finality.

And Leo lay there, warring against the urge to faint. The dull ache was throbbing against his skull, the dark waves lapping at the very edge of his awareness. Hell, even his eyes were throbbing.

Leo eased his head back against the soft pillow, and let the velvet encircle his skull for a moment. Cracking open his eyes, he shut them with a wince. Even the wan light from the desk lamp felt like a needle piercing his brain.

Donny must have whacked him harder than he thought.

_It hurts._ Leo nearly whimpered with the effort not to faint, as he forced his breathing to slow. It would have been so easy for Leo to sink his head back into the pillow and simply die.

But his heart lurched on, heedless of his wishes, and the thought of leaving his family with nothing more than his corpse to protect them was not an acceptable option.

_I have to get out of here. I have to leave._

It was as if the quilt beneath him had turned to concrete. His fingers twitched, then clawed at the sheet as he shut his eyes.

_Damn it, stand up! Get up!_

A gentle tug of cloth reminded him of the knots. How in the hell could he have forgotten those?

He wrenched his throbbing head upward, and brought his wrist as close to his teeth as he could. He worked his teeth over the material, bit down and tore at the knot. After more tugging, the knot finally came loose. Leo halted in terror, listening for any sound that somebody would enter the room.

_Now or never._ Leo forced his quaking fingers over the bonds, ruefully thanking Splinter's sense of mercy in not making them so tight as to cut off the circulation. It took longer than he wanted, but soon, Leo had set himself free.

Leo heaved a sigh, lay down an elbow, and tilted to the right. Eying the floor, he reached around to the pillow, and threw it down. Grunting, he tucked his elbows in, and log-rolled himself off the bed.

The pillow dulled the noise of his toppling to the floor, but did nothing to dull the whiplash of pain that seemed to reverberate through his very bones.

Leo clapped a hand over his mouth, waiting for the nausea and the ache to die down. The thunder in his skull, and the acid in his throat withered to a lesser level of agony. Slowly, he arranged his limbs beneath him, and tensed when he heard Mikey's voice against the door.

He couldn't make out what was being said, but he heard Mikey mutter something that sounded like disappointment and the sound of him walking away.

_I don't have much time. _

Hooking an elbow over the bedpost, he slowly, unsteadily hoisted himself upright and clutched his head from the pain. He wasn't moving fast, but at least he was standing. Hesitantly, he palmed the bruises that crowned his temple, his cheek, and his jaw and nearly yelped.

Silently, he lurched along the wall with the stilted grace of a wounded cat. He slid his shaking fingers over the door knob, and listened for any of the footfalls. Nothing. And then, he carefully eased his way into the empty hall. He stared at the bricks for any flicker of a shadow, and listened to the sounds of the Lair. The blare of the television in the living room, turned up high enough to mask any sound he made. Water running somewhere, the ever present hiss of pipes and the roar of the subway tunnels. Home.

Leo nearly slithered forward, inch by slow inch, as if he were stepping through a minefield. Could he bolt like a rabbit through the Lair and hope that he wouldn't be missed for a few more precious minutes?

_Now or never._

Leo scanned the room, and froze when Mikey came ambling in with a can of soda. Yawning and flopping onto the couch, Mikey grabbed the remote and idly flipped through the channels.

Leo waited until Mikey settled back, engrossed in watching the cartoon road runner meeping across the screen.

Dropping to his knees out of eyesight, Leo crawled along behind the massive sofa, nearly invisible from the shadows of the wall at his side.

Mikey suddenly leaned back, and the sofa gave a loud, sharp groan. Leo froze when he heard the sound of feet, and Donny's unexpected voice.

"How is Raph doing?"

Leo heard Mikey shifting, as he answered with his characteristic cheer, "He's alright. He said he was tired from everything and wanted to turn in early, so I thought I'd come out here and watch some television….how's Leo?"

"He's alive." Donny spat quietly. "I'm going to check on him, now, actually."

Leo heard Mikey's small, swallowed sigh, as he rocked forward. The couch springs creaked at the shifting weight as Mikey scooted sideways.

"You want me to do it?" Mikey asked, hesitantly. "I know that you're pissed at him, and I-"

"I appreciate it, Mikey, but if Leo needs stitches or something, there's really not a whole lot that you can do."

Mikey must have shrugged as he flung himself back down. "Sure. Just let me know if I can do anything, okay?"

"Thank you. I will." Donny answered gently as he turned on his heel towards Leo's room.

There were only seconds between Leo's chance of escaping, and Donny discovering the empty, bloodied bed.

Leo scuttled forward, making the most of the concealment behind the couch, before he scrambled to his feet and broke into a run.

From behind, he heard Mikey's bewildered shriek of his name, followed by Donny's enraged groan. The sounds fell like dominoes, toppling into each other, and forming the shrill, broken line behind him as Leo turned sharply, darted into the dojo, and slammed a palm over the light switch behind him.

The enormous room was swallowed by the darkness, and only lit with the thin shafts of the light in the hallway.

Leo had only bought himself a few precious moments, but it had to be enough. He ran across the mats, not seeing the dribble of dried blood from where Raph had collapsed, past the equipment, past the world he once knew.

His eyes fell on the silver gleam of his katanas, safely stowed away on the weapons rack. He wrenched the blades free, and whirled when the dojo was suddenly engulfed with the dazzling light.

Leo's gut clenched to hear Mikey's startled yelp, his jaw falling open, and his eyes huge and threatening to spill over.

And Leo's heart broke as he bore down on his unarmed baby brother, shoving him violently into the bricks and then bracing him across his plastron.

Mikey struggled against the strangling grip of Leo's elbow against his windpipe, and the katana blade gracing his cheek.

"Stay still if you don't want me to slice you." Leo hissed into his ear, as he forced Mikey to lurch forward.

"Please, Leo. Don't do this! You can still let me go, you can still-"

"Shut up!" Leo silenced Mikey's plea by sliding the blade over his throat. Mikey shivered at the hot wet trickle that dribbled down his heaving collar bone.

"Leonardo! Release your brother at once!" Splinter, roused by terror for his sons, was already on the threshold, but stood, rigidly at the edge of the dojo, as if his feet had grown roots. Even a flinch in Leo's direction resulted in Leo frantically sawing into Mikey's sweating, heaving throat.

Mikey turned those pleading eyes from Leo to Splinter, helplessly.

"Stay back! I'm warning you, I'll kill him if you come any closer!" Leo growled, as Mikey cringed away from the blade, fighting the understandable urge to sob.

"If you must take one of us hostage, Leonardo, take my life in exchange for your brother's. I will not fight you, my son." Splinter spoke soothingly, as he raised his paws in surrender.

Leo shut his eyes for a brief moment to stop the tears.

"I'm warning you. _Stay back. Both of you." _Leo choked out. He crushed Mikey against his plastron, and drew the blade directly under Mikey's quaking jaw.

Donny had emerged from the kitchen, the first aid kit flung discarded at his feet, and his hands rising to his bo.

"Donny…do what Leo tells you, okay?" Mikey's voice was fragmented from the fear, as he tried to twist out of the grip.

Leo snarled in warning, as Mikey went still. "Leo?" Mikey swallowed hard, and pat Leo's arm with a shaking hand.

"Look, Leo...just take me." Mikey gulped, and plunged onward. "I won't fight you, or try to get away. Just take me, and leave Donny and Raph and Splinter alone, okay? I'll go quietly, I promise."

Splinter's face twisted in horror, and Donny could only stare, wide-eyed and nearly sick.

"No, my son-"

"God, Mikey, you can't"

"SHUT UP!" Leo roared as he savagely jabbed Mikey with the flat of his katana. "I swear. If either of you follow us, I'll decapitate him."

Mikey swallowed back the whimper, when he saw Splinter's anguish and Donny's helpless rage.

"Guys…it's going to be alright. I'll be fine. Leo? Let's go, already, okay?"

Mikey gave Splinter and Donny a brave attempt at a reassuring smirk.

"Shut up and move." Leo barked out, as he savagely yanked at Mikey. Mikey jerked his head back to avoid having his neck sliced, and awkwardly stepped backwards.

He was so wobbly and terrified that Leo nearly had to drag him out of the dojo, past the familiar hallways, out of his home, and into the darkness of the sewer tunnel. Mikey couldn't hold back the sobbing as the light of the living room was swallowed by the last turn.

His father and brother were probably behind, frantically trying to hasten and conceal themselves, maybe praying or pleading that Mikey be spared by some miracle. Of course, they wouldn't Leo just take him hostage without a fight.

But what did it matter now? It would only take Leo a moment, and a quick slice to kill him. His father and brother couldn't save him. There was no time.

Leo abruptly halted, and Mikey shut his eyes to avoid seeing the killing blow. He didn't want his last sight on earth to be his brother murdering him. Mikey didn't even have time to tremble.

Mikey felt the edge of the katana tremble at his throat, threatening to slice it open but never even gracing his flesh enough to cut. Leo's breathing was ragged in his ear when he slid his other arm across Mikey's plastron. Mikey shuddered , as the tears erupted.

He didn't want to die!

His shrill whine of panic was abruptly severed when Leo withdrew the blade from his throat and sheaved it.

Mikey felt Leo's gentle hands steady him to his feet, and grip his shoulders. Leo peered deep into his eyes for one, long moment.

"Mikey, I'm sorry." Leo whispered in agony, as he let go of his baby brother and everything that he had left to give.

Mikey nearly toppled from the shock, numbly grateful that Leo had apparently decided to let him live after all.

Mikey flinched in terror as Leo inched away, palms wide and pleading to show that he meant no stared, bewildered as the tears trickled down Leo's face. "Forgive me. Please."

Mikey yelped as Leo suddenly lunged forward, gathered him up in his shaking arms and crushed him to his plastron in the fierce embrace.

"Good-bye, Mikey." Leo whispered, as he let him go.

And Leo had vanished before Mikey could even answer.


	22. Collusion

_Leo's gone._

Mikey breathed out the realization, curled his arms over his plastron in the futile attempt to comfort himself.

_Leo's gone, and I'm alive. _

His tremble grew to outright quaking as his knees nearly gave out.

_I'm alive. I'm alive and Leo's gone. _

He could not stop the tremble that wracked his body, nor could he stop the dull ache of realization that he was alive, and Leo had vanished. Numbly, Mikey stared at the emptiness, heard the familiar hiss of the sewer pipes, the cloying darkness, and the sting of blood from where Leo had cut him. He drew shaking fingers over his throat, and stared at the hot red trickle that coated his skin, felt the cold of the bricks behind his shell, the sudden, overwhelming silence.

Swallowing back the terror, the bile in his throat, Mikey forced himself to put his leaden feet in motion, lurching forward at first and then nearly breaking into a full run back towards the Lair.

Panic mercifully overrode his shot to hell nerves as he skittered down the tunnel, only pausing to listen for Leo. Mikey didn't know if Leo planned on circling back to the Lair and finishing off their father and brothers. How could he know?

_Leo could be heading back home to finish the rest of us off. _

The fear put fire to his feet, as he nearly flew. He halted when he heard a cry, and then the scutter of feet.

Mikey whirled, and froze, bracing himself against the wall, nearly disappearing into the shadows.

He tensed instinctively when he heard somebody stop, only a few feet away from his sliver of refuge.

"Leo, if you can hear me, just let Mikey go. Please. I won't come after you. Just let Mikey go, and leave."

Donny stood there, wretched and nearly sick with terror at finding the brother he hated and the other one dead, as he stared into the fathomless darkness and listened. Mikey cringed to hear the desperate fear in Donny's pleading. Donny heard a shuddering breath that sounded like a sob, and whirled.

Mikey saw the curve of a shell, a shard of purple from Donny's mask as his brother hoisted his bo in defensive stance.

Stepping out of the shadows, Mikey spread his arms upwards, palms out, and gave Donny a bright, forced grin. "Relax, bro. It's just me. Leo's gone."

Donny gaped at his brother, eyes huge and disbelieving, before the bo clattered to the concrete, and Mikey found himself nearly crushed in the fierce embrace.

Mikey hid the wince as Donny gently pushed him back, to stare in bewilderment before he instinctively started scanning Mikey for any injuries.

"Mikey, are you alright? Did Leo hurt you? What happened?"

Mikey gave Donny a smirk, and paused a moment to scrape together the forced, false reassurance. Mockingly spreading his arms, he twirled with a chuckle that sounded like a sob.

"Take it easy, Donny. I'm fine. Really. Leo didn't really do anything but drag me here, and let me go."

_Right. Leo didn't do anything but stab Raphael, hold his sword to my throat, and leave me wondering if he was going to kill me. Never mind about that….I'm alive._

"He let you go?" Donny asked in dismay as Mikey only shrugged off the hellish experience with a hitch of his shoulder and what was left of his crumbling cheer.

"Yeah." Mikey whispered. Swallowing hard from the sudden tears, he nodded. "Yeah, Donny. Leo let me go, and he told me good-bye."

_Leo's viewpoint:_

He only took time to wipe away the desecration of his brother's blood from the katana. Leo inwardly cringed at seeing the vivid scarlet coating the silver of the blade, and hastily sheaved it. It would do him little good, now, but it was the last remnant of who he was.

Leo knew that he was leaving behind unanswered questions, wounds that would never heal, and a betrayal that could never be forgiven. His parting gift to his father and brothers was a hated memory, a lair of ghosts, a haunted loathing that none of them would relinquish. He had left Raphael possibly maimed for life, Splinter broken, Mikey in terror, and Donny with his hatred, but he was leaving them all alive and intact. It was the last thing that he could give them, even if they never knew that he had saved them in the only way that he could.

It took every last scrap of love, and inner resolve for Leo to keep up his jagged, broken sprint through the tunnels, away from his home and all that he knew. He halted a moment, for one last look, to drink in the bittersweet familiarity of the years he spent down here, the safe, beloved world and those he cherished enough to leave.

So very soon, Mikey would be found. Leo didn't harbor the frail hope that any of his family would come after him. There would be no farewells, no explanation. It was hell, but better this way.

Leo took a bitter bit of solace in knowing that it couldn't be much worse. Swallowing back the last sob, he lingered for a moment to steel himself for what was to come.

Gritting his teeth, he drew two breaths, let the finality curl in his gut, before he forced himself to climb the rungs to the surface.

He palmed the manhole cover, shoved it out of place and quickly soared into the flip upwards from the sewer to the concrete of the human world.

He landed, quickly righted himself, and quickly darted back into the shadows. The alley was deserted, except for a piece of newspaper skittering over the concrete.

Swallowing hard, feeling as if he were attending his own execution, Leo strode forward into the wan glow of the streetlight, in full view, his pulse thundering in dull warning.

He didn't turn towards the falling footsteps, or acknowledge the ambush that was about to take place.

Leo didn't trouble himself to grace Karai with anything more than a glare as she materialized, rising out of the dark and gliding like a panther.

And with the graceful silence of leaves falling, he was suddenly surrounded by her henchmen.


	23. Oblivion:Leo

_Leo's viewpoint:_

Gritting his teeth, he drew two breaths, let the finality curl in his gut, before he forced himself to climb the rungs to the palmed the manhole cover, shoved it out of place and quickly soared into the flip upwards from the sewer to the concrete of the human landed, quickly righted himself, and quickly darted back into the shadows. The alley was deserted, except for a piece of newspaper skittering over the hard, feeling as if he were attending his own execution, Leo strode forward into the wan glow of the streetlight, in full view, his pulse thundering in dull didn't turn towards the falling footsteps, or acknowledge the ambush that was about to take place.

Leo didn't trouble himself to grace Karai with anything more than a glare as she materialized, rising out of the dark and gliding like a panther.

And with the graceful silence of leaves falling, he was suddenly surrounded by her henchmen.

The trash cans, the abysmal forms of abandoned boxes, and slivers of undecipherable piles of garbage, all of it had the air of an abandoned grave.

Leo gave the bricks a scathing glance, and eyed the high, vacant walls of the dilapidated buildings, and the snatch of starlight high above the filth. He swallowed back the choke of tears, and tried to focus on anything, _anything_ but being beaten to death and bleeding out his last in this forgotten hell of the city.

Even here, Leo's death would be problematic. The corpse of a giant, humanoid turtle, outfitted with weapons would not escape notice, not even here. Leo scowled at his very limited options. Bolting would be futile, if there was nowhere to run. Fighting would make sure he at least took a few of his enemies with him, but that was pointless, now.

Leaving a pile of human corpses along with his bloodied body would only increase the scrutiny and the danger to his family being discovered. There wasn't enough time or distance for him to lead anybody away from the Lair…not if Karai already knew where his home and loved ones were.

As long as he was alive, there was a chance that he could do something. If he died here, everything was lost.

There was nothing he could do but wait.

His hands flew and clutched the familiar reassurance leather of his katanas, and he unsheaved them, two long, silver lines across his plastron.

Leo exhaled a slow breath, and forced the snarl to hide the tremor of helpless fear and rage.

"Leonardo." Karai breathed his name, as her lips curled into that bitter smile.

She stepped forward, casually and unarmed, obsidian eyes gliding over Leo's weapons. Only troubling herself to give them a glance, her soft chuckle fragmented without mirth.

"Leave your weapons. You will no longer have use for them." Her words slithered over him, as he coiled his fingers tighter over the handles of his katana.

Karai drank in the minute tremble of his blades and drew a long, patient breath.

"You have sacrificed so much to keep your loved ones alive, Leonardo. Would you betray them, now? I gave you a simple order."

Leo glared back, the katana fixed and rooted in his hands as concrete. He swallowed hard, warring against the instinct to slice her head from her neck and kick the hated thing down the alleyway.

Karai stiffened as she saw the hatred flicker in his eyes. "Perhaps you need an incentive."

She abruptly barked out an order to the nearest man, and the faceless, formless thing hastily bowed and placed the cell phone into her hand.

Smiling coyly, she tapped a few buttons, and dropped the phone to the concrete. She nudged it hard with her boot, and sent the phone sliding, only coming to rest at Leo's feet.

"You kept your word, Leonardo. I am giving you the chance to say your final good-byes."

Bewildered, Leo sheaved one katana, and quickly scooped up the phone. His hands were shaking so much that he could barely clutch the thing as he stared at the small screen in renewed tears.

The familiar gray stone of the Lair's walls came into grainy view, lit by the familiar wash of Don's computer screen and Splinter's candles.

All three of his brothers and Master Splinter were in Splinter's room, standing over the bed of bloody, wadded sheets, and the remains of the restraints that had held Leo down.

Splinter was holding the loose sheet in shaking paws, turning it over and over again, before he cradled it to his heart and buried his face in it.

Michelangelo was fighting and losing a battle to keep a smile as a very worried Donny clutched at his arms and shook his head, anxiously.

And a few feet away, Raphael stood, viciously alone, fighting the familiar rage as he glared down at his bandaged wrist and clenched his wounded hand into a fist. Leo stared in disbelief as Raphael hastily scrubbed away the betraying tears.

"Look well at what you have already inflicted upon them, Leonardo. Would you add to their suffering by forcing them to watch each other die?"

Her voice hardened as she narrowed her eyes.

"Your weapons, Leonardo. _Now."_ The hideous promise behind the soft words gave Leo the perverse strength to finally loosen his rooted hands from his blades.

Leo shut his eyes, and scraped up every image he had left of his brothers and fathers.

_I have to. For them, I have to._

The katana fell from his fingers, and clattered to the concrete. Karai kicked them away and one man dove to collect them.

Leo ignored everything but the tiny flicker of the cell phone, and the invasive warmth of Karai's fingers as she snatched the phone away, and crushed it under her heel.

"I hope that the last days you shared with your family were well-spent, Leonardo."

Leo recoiled at the shock of her warm _human_ hand ghosting over his skin and coming to rest on his shoulder. He yanked his shoulder free of her grip, snarling and backpedaling the precious few feet of distance the narrow alley would allow.

"If you hurt my family, I'll kill you." He spat through clenched teeth.

Karai merely shook her head. "You already have hurt them, Leonardo, in ways that no blade or weapon ever could. If only they knew what a loyal son and brother that you are, to spare them the pain you will soon bear alone."

She paused, relishing Leo's tortured, barely restrained anguish and rage.

"And now, you will not even leave them with a corpse to bury."

The strike from behind happened so fast that Leo didn't even have time to cry out.

It was nothing more than a dull piercing throb of ice being shoved through the skin at the back of his neck. Leo's hand flew to cup the wound, and only felt the slight indention of the injection site.

_A dart? An injection? What in the hell have I been drugged with?_

From behind, he heard the high whine of a cackle, as somebody shoved him. He staggered forward, drunkenly, and barely able to stay upright.

From his faltering vision, he saw the gleam of the syringe as the man disdainfully flung it away.

Leo's thoughts blurred along with his vision, as the ground beneath his feet suddenly swayed

He tried and failed to at least tilt his head so his skull wouldn't bear the full brunt of the fall.

His knees buckled, as he fell forward, scraping concrete. He lay, sprawled, and stunned, too woozy and drugged to even tremble.

Awareness fell away, dribbled off his failing senses like water. Leo fought to keep the heavy weight of his own eyelids from sliding shut, as he felt the hated human hands gripping his arms and legs.

He swayed as they lifted him, his limbs dangling, head lulling, the thin line of drool collecting at his gaping jaw.

He was abruptly tossed to the floor of something metal, and he heard the heavy clang of a van door being slammed shut. Somebody viciously rolled him over on his back, and he could only stare in tortured helplessness as the city lights outside the filthy windows started to fade from view.

He tried to scream, to pray, to run, to do anything but lay there like a broken corpse, but his limbs were as flaccid as string, and he couldn't even keep his eyes open.

The velvet dark rose and gently covered him like a warm blanket as Leo swallowed back the whimper.

_Splinter..Raph, Donny, Mikey…I'm sorry. I'm so damn sorry….._

Leo's eyes slid shut as the darkness fell, and gave way to an oblivion as deep as the grave. Leo knew no more.


	24. Leo:Caged

Dull, sluggish awareness slithered back, coiled, dark and serpentine. It crept onward, with the dull thud of his heart in his ears, and the throbbing in his head that came to rest in the bone-deep ache behind his eyes.

Feeling was next. Leo felt drugged, his limbs languid and heavy as if they had been set in concrete. He felt cold metal against his cheek, the chill of either tears or drool dried and sticky on the left side of his face. He heard the high, whining hum of a motor, the sudden snarl of an engine, and the pop of gravel and pavement beneath tires.

Movement.

He could feel movement beneath him, and his gut clenched in realization. He was in the back of a vehicle of some sort. He breathed out, waiting for sensation to come back and some sort of understanding of this new hell he had been dumped in.

He remembered Karai's smirk, the dart, and the collapse. He remembered those woozy, tortured moments before he crumbled to the pavement, and the helpless terror before everything literally fell away.

Leo felt his head lull and then smack against metal when the floor bounced. The bright flare of pain thundered through his skull, and he couldn't even whimper. His muscles were slack as cloth, and he couldn't even tremble.

He felt the choke of something against his neck, nearly crushing his windpipe, a cold, cruel band of something wrapped around his throat. In terror, Leo could only manage a strangled whimper. Instinctively, he tried to claw the thing at his neck away, but his arms wouldn't move.

What in the hell was wrong with his body?

He heard the loud clang of metal again, and he tensed when he cracked open his eyes to stare at the coil of chain around his throat. Numbly, he stared at the shackles that encircled his wrists, his ankles, the manacle locked around his throat. The chains at his limbs and throat were attached to the bigger shackle that ended with the padlock that was bolted to the vehicle's floor.

He knew nothing of what had happened, how long he had been unconscious, or the extent of his injuries. Whatever Karai had drugged him with was potent. He felt heavy, and soft, as if he were wrapped in a bubble and on the verge of exploding.

And worst of all, he couldn't move. His nerves flickered beneath his skin, as his muscles twitched instinctively, but did nothing else.

Did the dart have something that paralyzed him? Was this permanent? Leo swallowed back a sob that he could not cry, to force his sluggish thoughts into some sort of coherency. It was a damn hard fight.

_Quit panicking, and focus. Focus on figuring out where you are, and how to escape. _

Calming himself, Leo exhaled. He was alive, and he was more clear-headed now. It wasn't the greatest of situations, but it could have been much, much worse.

Leo forced his heavy eyelids to part, but was careful enough to squint. He didn't know where he was, what had happened, or who was around him.

Through the crack of his eyelids, Leo could only see the glint of metal bars, reflected against the wan glow of the overhead light, and realized that he was in a crudely manufactured cage of some sort.

Thick metal bars, less than six inches apart, had been wielded from the ceiling to the floor, forming a cell so small that Leo could have touched both sides with one outstretched arm.

He was sprawled out, nearly curled in fetal position, but even when nearly rolled into a ball, the bars brushed against his ankles.

The situation was becoming more and more hellish with each passing moment. He was chained, drugged, caged, and being driven off to God only knew where.

He didn't know if his father and brothers were spared. He had no way in knowing if Karai intended to kill him at her leisure, or torture him even more.

He took great care to ensure that his breathing still had the same slow cadence of being deeply unconscious. He listened for a long time, for any sound, any shuffle, anything, until he was certain he was alone before he uncurled a bit. His limbs ached, and his heels brushed against the cage bars. He felt the vehicle slow, and then jerk to a sharp stop that would have toppled him if he were standing, and the sound of several human voices. Leo twitched against the shackles, desperately trying to decide if it would be better to fight, or try to run. With the chains, he had too little movement for either one.

He heard blurred human voices, the footfalls of several humans. He tensed, as every instinct screamed in warning. There were no manholes to dive down, no shadows to conceal him, and absolutely nothing to keep him safe.

He was blinded by the crack of light as the van doors were unlocked and flung open. He heard a low whistle of astonishment, the dubious silence of shock, and Karai's sudden, snarled rebuke.

"Leonardo." She almost purred as he heard the clank of a key sliding in the lock, the cage door being opened, and the quiet glide of her boot heels closing the few precious feet between them.

He flinched when she lay that mocking hand over his heaving throat, and yanked his face upward to for him to peer into her narrowed eyes.


	25. Earthquakes Part I

Karai only tilted Leo's head back a few inches, but it felt as if the world itself was rolling away beneath him. The nausea hit him with the force of an earthquake.

He was going to be sick. He started quivering, and tried desperately to wrench his face free of Karai's vicious grip. All he could manage was a pathetic lurch, and a hell of a lot of trembling, as his stomach cramped in a violent spasm that made him nearly curl up from the pain.

He was so woozy that he nearly fainted, as his stomach clenched up, hard and sharp as a fist.

He whimpered, swallowed hard, but couldn't choke back the vomit. She suddenly released her grip on his neck, gracefully stepping backwards to avoid the filth hitting her boots.

Leo pitched forward, head slamming against the cage bars. He saw stars as he slithered downward. The world blurred from his tears.

He gagged as his stomach cramped and convulsed like a trapped animal. The bile burned its way up through his throat.

Whimpering, he vomited on the floor, unable to even raise his head enough to keep his face out of the puddle of his own filth. He felt the warm, foul mess around his cheek, a strange contrast to the cold metal of the floor.

Karai hissed in disgust, with a scowl. She lightly stepped away from the turtle, watching indifferently as he miserably shut his eyes.

Karai never got the chance to kick the turtle in the plastron, or even insult him.

The convulsion didn't give her the chance.

Leo felt a white spike of heat ripple through his skull, and come to smoulder behind his eyes, felt every muscle in his body clench and contract, heedless of his will. Before the seizure, he was as limp as cloth, unable to move, his whole body laying across the cold floor, dribbling out like spilled water.

And now…._oh, God…..it hurt…._

His nerve endings were misfiring, almost as if an electric current had been shot through him. His legs, askew and twisted, suddenly arched up, and shot out from his torso, arrow straight and rigid. His fingers curled into claws that dug into his palms, his jaw clenched shut, teeth grinding together so hard that it ached.

He couldn't open his mouth, or shut his eyes, his stare was fixed and dead, as his neck lurched and sent his head clanging against the bars.

His breath was stuck in his throat, heavy as a brick, ramming against his clenched teeth, but unable to get past his locked jaws. He could hear his own wheezing, a sick, garbled sound between a sob and a snarl as he grunted.

He couldn't breathe. His breath was strangled, trapped in his throat by his spasming muscles, by the quaking that kept him sweating and lurching on the floor. He could feel it clawing at his throat, hurting, aching, drowning.

He couldn't breathe.

He couldn't _breathe!_

His jaws were clenched shut, so hard that he tasted blood and felt the searing ache of bones bending. His whole body twisted, each limb locked up and curled and askew as he could only watch himself convulse.

He would have curled into fetal position, if his shell had allowed the movement. He could see the pale, twisted smear of Karai's face, wan and rising like a moon over him as she screamed out some sort of orders that were shrill and high and unheard.

He heard footsteps falling around him, human hands clamping down on his limbs in the attempt to keep him firmly planted on the ground.

It didn't work. They could keep him down, but they couldn't stop his limbs from twisting in the shackles, or force his rigid limbs to relax, or force his bones to stop lurching as if trying to break free from his skin.

Karai's face was twisted as she stared down at him in shock, as her men frantically unshackled the shaking animal and heaved him out of the cage. They dumped him on the floor, and watched Leo writhe.

Karai watched with a raised eyebrow, wondering if the turtle was experiencing some sort of death throe from the drugs used to sedate him.

She coldly gave the order for the van to stop.

She wanted the turtle to suffer, but that would not be possible if he died en route. He needed treatment of some sort.

Leo shuddered once more, and then went limp beneath their hands. For a long, terrible moment, the turtle lay, pale and twisted, not breathing, though his pulse fluttered erratically.

The turtle grunted, letting out a gurgle filled with spit and vomit from a mouth that was twisted into a scream.

Karai's scowl deepened as she heard Leo's tortured, labored breathing, mouth flung open and eyes empty as a tomb.

She could not tell if he were simply under the effects of a toxic reaction, or dying. It didn't matter. He would not have long, even if he survived the trip to his holding cell.


	26. Searing

"Take it easy, Donny. I'm fine. Really. Leo didn't really do anything but drag me here, and let me go."

_Right. Leo didn't do anything but stab Raphael, hold his sword to my throat, and leave me wondering if he was going to kill me. Never mind about that….I'm alive._

"He let you go?" Donny asked in dismay as Mikey only shrugged off the hellish experience with a hitch of his shoulder and what was left of his crumbling cheer.

"Yeah." Mikey whispered. Swallowing hard from the sudden tears, he nodded. "Yeah, Donny. Leo let me go, and he told me good-bye."

Mikey swallowed back the sob, and kept that smile plastered on, as Donny narrowed his eyes in disbelief. He gave Mikey a cursory examination, glaring at the cut across his neck, and the bruises where Leo had gripped him. Aside from the fact that Mikey was trembling, and trying not to collapse into sobbing hysterics, his baby brother, thank God, seemed alright.

Mikey winced, and brushed off Donny's fingers with a shake of his head.

"Donny…" he said, softly. "I'm fine. We need to get back to the Lair. Look, you can poke me all you want later, but we can't leave Raph and Splinter alone, in case Leo goes back for them."

The scream was as loud as a shot-gun blast. The sounds-a weird, shuffling in the dojo, Donny and Mikey and Splinter pleading, Leo's bitter hiss, all so mangled and soft that Raphael couldn't make out anything but the fear.

Raphael bolted awake with a choking gasp, hands already scrambling for his sais. He nearly whimpered at the stabbing ache that splintered across his bad wrist. Raph was so stunned from the blinding pain that he nearly toppled back into the sheets.

The hell with laying here. His brothers were in trouble.

Shaking, and woozy, Raphael grimaced as he rolled to the edge of the bed, and thudded his feet to the floor. He snarled in pain as he curled his bad wrist to his side.

Damn it. He couldn't use his hand. Another scream was enough to make him forget everything but his family. He twirled the sai into a defensive stance with his good hand, and lurched to the dojo as quickly as he could.

He must have lost more blood than he thought, because he had to lean against the wall to stay upright as he slinked down the hallway. He hated it…sneaking around when he should have gone in with both fists swinging.

Raising his sai to throw, Raphael grunted and stepped into the dojo, and scowled at the dark red pool over the concrete floor and the mats.

Blood.

Swallowing hard, and desperately trying to ignore the quell of terror in his gut, Raphael forced himself onward.

He was struck first by the empty silence, and then dismayed when he heard it shatter with the soft sound of weeping.

Dismayed, and shaking, Raphael stared at Master Splinter. The old rat clutched a piece of bloodied, tattered blue material in his paws.

Leo's mask.

"Master Splinter, what's wrong? What happened?"

Splinter looked at Raphael with those desolate, wounded eyes, and gave him no answer, but to curl his fingers around the sliver of blue cloth.

"Raphael, you should be resting." Splinter finally answered, as he rose to gently bundle his injured son back to bed.

Raphael shrugged off the protective grip with a snarl, and turned to Splinter.

"Master Splinter, what in the hell happened? Where are my brothers?"

Splinter's lips tightened into a thin, tormented line, as he shook his head. He lay a paw on Raphael's shoulder.

Mercifully, Splinter did not have to answer. He flicked his ears towards the shuffle of footsteps. He could hear only two sets, and from the lack of dragging limps, there was no injury.

Mikey entered first. His eyes were huge, and he was trembling, but he managed to work his mouth into a bright, false grin when he saw Raphael.

Donny came after him, grim as a storm cloud. His eyes narrowed, his mouth fixed into a dark scowl.

"My sons!" Splinter lurched forward, and wrapped his arms around them, burying his face in into their necks, breathing in their scent, relishing the reassuring thud of their heartbeats.

Mikey stooped to embrace Splinter. "Dad, I'm okay." He whispered, still shaking and sick, but better, now that he was home and Leo seemed to be far away.

Donny tolerated Splinter's embrace, but he was already scowling in disapproval to see Raphael being out of bed.

Raphael narrowed his eyes and bellowed, "Damn it, somebody tell me what is going on! Now! Donny, what were you and Mikey doing? Where the hell is Leo?"

"He's gone." Mikey answered, softly.

"Good riddance." Donny growled.

Raphael stared at him, as Mikey diplomatically coughed. "Hey, guys, maybe it would be better if we all sat down and took a breather? I know I could use some pizza."

"No." Donny snapped, abruptly. "I don't want to stay here. It's not safe as long as that bastard is out there roaming around. How do we know that Leo won't come back and try to finish us off?"

"I don't think that Leo's coming back." Mikey whispered.

Raphael glared, and snapped, "Where is Leo, Mikey? What happened?"

There was only silence in answer, as Mikey's mouth shut like a trap, and Donny's scowl only hardened.

And then, everything went black.

Mikey yelped in surprise, and Raphael swore under his breath.

Donny pivoted in dismay, blinking stupidly in the dark. Was there a power outage? Did they somehow break a circuit? It couldn't be….there was no electric pop, nothing that would suggest a busted wire.

Sighing, Donny automatically turned on his heel towards the circuit breakers.

Splinter sensed the weird undercurrent of the power surge, and nearly clapped his paws over his ears when he heard the high pitched whine of static electricity.

There was a strange, hissing pop, and the television in the far room suddenly flicked on.

"That's…..weird." Mikey said, softly.

Donny stared at the television, mind whirling at the terrible possibilities. Nobody could have just turned it on, not without some internal trigger to the Lair.

"What the hell-" Raphael quietly growled as he raised a sai to point.

The gray static on the screen waned into a blurred, grainy image that was growing clearer.

The screen had no color, only the sepia hues of black, and white, dulled and muted into a surreal scene.

Donny squinted, as Mikey dropped to his knees to see better in front of the television. The scene opened to reveal what looked like a crudely constructed cell. The bars seemed to be hastily welded to the metal wall behind it. It was a small cage, not more than 7 feet high, and 5 feet wide.

The focus blurred, and suddenly, whoever held the camera jerked the lens downward sharply, halting abruptly at the bottom of the cell.

The image was dim, and colorless, but unmistakable. Their brother, Leo, the one who had stabbed Raphael and kidnapped Mikey, was in the cage.

Raphael stiffened, and Donny's mouth fell open, too stricken to speak.

For one horrific moment, Donny didn't know if he was staring at Leo, or his corpse.

Leo was sprawled out, limbs spilling like water. His arms curled across his plastron.

His mouth was flung open, the teeth bared in the snarl of a tortured animal. His eyes clenched shut, pinched with pain.

Donny flinched when Leo's unnatural stillness erupted into a choking gasp. His plastron heaved upward, Leo's breath sounding like a sick gurgle.

Leo's hands slid away from his face, and came to rest at his sides, as he snapped his jaw shut with a groan. His brow furrowed, a sharp line forming between his eye ridges.

"It is time to wake, Leonardo. You do not wish to disappoint your audience." The voice of a woman cruelly purred off camera.

Leo's eyes suddenly shot open, and he rolled his head towards the camera. His face contorted in terror; his eyes were huge and pleading as he shook his head in a pathetic flop against the floor.

"Please, don't!" Leo stared at whoever was holding the camera, trembling.

"Please, please don't! I'm the one you wanted, and you have me! Please, don't!"

The trembling had increased to quaking as Leo crumbled into sobbing pleas.


	27. Acid

Acid.

Whatever Leo had been injected with made him almost too woozy and sick to stand. The world felt muted, soft and blurred, as he shook his head to clear it. His limbs felt as if they were liquid, threatening to spill out beneath him and send him toppling again.

After the convulsions, Leo vaguely remembered somebody shoving cruel fingers to his throat, monitoring his pulse, and another needle plunging into his quaking, knotted arm. Whatever they had injected him burned, but it worked. His body slowly unclenched, the trembling now from exhaustion and not a convulsion. Everything ached, but it was a small improvement. Thank God for that bit of mercy.

He remembered waking up with his cheek on the cold floor, the rattle of his chains, and the strange harsh blink of the camera's light outside his cage.

Leo squinted, breathing and collecting himself before his eyes narrowed dumbly on that strange, blinking light.

"It is time to wake, Leonardo. You do not wish to disappoint your audience."

Leo flinched and twisted his neck to see Karai smirking down at him.

"Audience?" He whispered, dumbly.

The fear returned, clawing and vicious at the sound of Karai's voice. She silently gestured to one of her men to come closer, as Leo instinctively rolled back the few inches he could.

Leo stared at the blinking camera, as one of the nameless, faceless men stooped down inches from the cage bars.

Leo was being filmed. Somebody could easily upload it somewhere and expose he and his brothers to the world.

"Don't…." The words were slurred out, as Leo shook his head, trying to fight the ache and the smeared, drugged oblivion.

"Yes, Leonardo. Your father and brothers are watching us now."

Leo wanted to curl up back into the darkness, to lay his aching head down against the cold metal floor. He wanted to savor the bitter triumph of saving his family and forget the way he had tortured them in their last few days together. Raphael's stab wound, kidnapping Mikey..it made Leo cringe at the vicious memories, as he felt the tears rise up again.

He didn't know how long he had been asleep, how far he had been carted away, or how long he had left to live. At this point, it was secondary to Karai's renewed threat to his brothers and father.

_Think, damn it! Get ahold of yourself!_

Leo shivered, helplessly clawing at the shackles again. They rattled against his plastron as he twisted against the cuffs until his wrists were scraped raw and bleeding. Maybe he'd bleed to death, or better, his blood could lubricate the metal enough to slip his wrists free. Leo didn't ponder how in the hell he would break through the prison bars, or fight his way through the small horde of men that were lounging outside his cell.

Even if he made it that far, what did he have left to go back to? Raphael might be crippled permanently, Mikey was in tears and begging for his life, and Donny hated him. Whatever love might have been left had now been poisoned by Leo's actions.

That realization hit, sudden and sharp as a stab wound. Leo swallowed hard and sucked in a sharp breath through his clogged nostrils.

Why the hell was he sobbing in front of Karai? Was it exhaustion, the sedatives, or his own erosion?

He stared at the indifferent lens of the camera, and recoiled when he heard Karai's acidic laughter. His brothers were watching _this._ They were watching him fall apart, watching his crumbling to nothing, seeing him sobbing, and possibly watching him die. His last words to them, and all they would get was his crying and begging in front of the enemy. No….

Leo looked directly at the abysmally black lens, that green light, the plan curling through his brain. He had nothing left to lose, now.

Why waste his breath sobbing when he could warn his family for the last time?

Whoever held the camera suddenly lunged forward, until the angle of the view was close enough to touch Leo's skin. It was close enough to show Leo's bloodied lips, his eyes storm-dark, the bruises and the split lip from God only knew what.

From behind the camera, a Karai's voice trickled into soft, mocking laughter. The woman queried with cruel amusement.

"I find your begging most entertaining, Leonardo. Would you like to view your family's last moments?"

Leo's eyes slid upward, narrowed and searing with well-contained rage, as the terror dribbled away into icy resolve.

"If you've done anything to them, I'll kill you." Leo's certainty was quiet, steady, and terrifying.

Leo snarled, and lunged, so fast that he was only a frenzied blur of green. There was a scream off camera, and the sharp tilt as the camera hit the floor. There was the sound of Leo's ragged, gasping breaths as he clawed at the camera and rolled it towards him.

He was sprawled out on the floor, eyes flooding over as he choked out, "Karai bugged the Lair! Get out, now!"

He gave the camera one long look of sorrow, as he whispered. "Good-bye."

Leo belted the camera with a fist, sending shards of glass through his flesh. The screen went black.

_Meanwhile, at the Lair:_

There was nothing but the numb, sickened silence, broken by Mikey's whimper and Raph's explosive swearing.

"That b-." Raph growled at the tv, as he shook with helpless rage.

At his side, Donny stared at the blank television, rigid as a hunted animal.

"Raph….shut up!" Donny jabbed a finger to his lips. "If the Lair is bugged, she can _hear us!"_ He whispered, harshly.

"Yeah?!" Raphael snapped. "Good! I'm glad Karai can hear us now! She should know what I'm gonna do to her when I find her!"

"My sons, _enough!"_ Splinter said sharply, as he gestured with his paw, and whispered, "It is no longer safe to remain here. We must go."

Raphael snapped his eyes and jaw shut, good hand twitching as he imagined how he would gleefully strangle Karai.

Splinter shook his head, silently agonized over Leo. His sons stared at him, Michelangelo bewildered and sick, Raphael glaring at the TV as if he wanted to kill it. Donny, ever pragmatic and detached, was already taking a mental inventory of what they would need.

Could his electronics be traced? Could Karai be on her way already? God help him, was Leo going to live?

"We have already lingered here too long. Gather what is needed, my sons. Quickly!"


	28. At the edge of hell

_From the last chapter:_

_Leo was sprawled out on the floor, eyes flooding over as he choked out, "Karai bugged the Lair! Get out, now!"_

_He gave the camera one long look of sorrow, as he whispered. "Good-bye."_

_Leo belted the camera with a fist, sending shards of glass through his flesh. The screen went black._

It may have been a few seconds, or a few thousand years, it didn't matter now. Leo's only eulogy was the hastily whispered farewell, and the busted pieces of the cheap camera. There was a savage peace, a welcome finality to the whole thing, as Leo calmly lay there, waiting for his ending, and making sure that his last thoughts were filled with the faces of his loved ones. He owed them that much, at least.

Leo could feel the shards of glass and plastic from the camera cutting into his skin, the blood slithering down his shredded knuckles.

He heard the words of dismay, the shouts, and the dull thunder of feet as his captors ran towards him. Soon, so very soon, they'd roll over him like a tidal wave, and he'd drown. He would drown on his blood, on his tears, it didn't matter. Numbly, he lay his head back down on the bruised crook of his arm, indifferently. The drugs, the beating, the constant terror of losing his loved ones had siphoned out any last scrap of strength.

Leo closed his eyes, vowing not to flinch when the death blow finally came.

Karai seemed to materialize out of the darkness behind the blinding lights.

Leo heard her hiss like an enraged cat between her clenched teeth, "Sedate him."

Leo's eyes shot open as he felt the sharp sting of a dart or a needle slicing through his thigh.

Ice slithered through his veins, and time seemed to slow as he gave Karai a smirk and slurred out

"I owe you my thanks, Karai."

Karai scowled, puzzled.

"If you hadn't rigged that camera, and graciously filmed me, I never would have had the chance to warn them. By the time you send your men down there, my father and brothers will be long gone."

Karai tilted her head, her mouth curling into a calculating smile.

"I hope you find some consolation in believing that you saved your family. Let me reassure you…you've only delayed their demise. "

"I'll kill you if you hurt them." Leo snarled out even as the sedative started to take him down. He could feel the heavy, almost welcome darkness rolling over him like a thick blanket.

He slumped when the drug finally took effect, withered and helpless at Karai's feet.

It might have been hours, or days when Leo finally drifted out of oblivion. Awareness came in slow increments. His head felt as if somebody had scraped his brain out and replaced it with drying concrete. His thoughts were too languid and slow, and he was too drugged to really give a damn about anything besides fighting off the torpor.

Leo kept his eyes shut, and his breathing even to maintain the illusion that he was still unconscious. His instincts screamed that he was being watched, but he didn't dare find out by who, not yet.

His palms brushed cold, unyielding metal, and he instinctively raised one hand to rub his aching head.

Panic clenched in his gut at the sudden realization that he couldn't move his hands. After a few terrifying moments, Leo realized with a bit of perverse relief that his wrists had been strapped down by thick leather straps. He wasn't paralyzed, thank God. Only strapped down to a metal table in a white room and at the mercy of his worst enemy.

He flinched when he felt a human hand drape itself across his plastron, and his eyes shot open. He heard a startled breath, the sound of feet shuffling backwards. Leo twisted his head around to see a man in a white lab coat fleeing like a cockroach.

"Don't touch me!" Leo snarled as the man gaped at him, the scalpel dangling from his slack fingers.

The man looked panicked, and Leo clamped his betraying mouth shut. They had heard him speak! How could he have been so stupid as to reveal that he could talk?

The fear melted into terror and animal instinct as Leo grunted and tried to brace his ankles against the table and rip through the straps.

They held fast. His legs were restrained, one thick strap over each ankle, and then another pair crossing over each knee. Leo let his head drop back to the table, panting and exhausted as he shut his eyes and tried desperately to think of something more productive than laying her and waiting to die.

"Leonardo." Karai's hated voice sliced through his torpor. Leo glared at her, and tensed, waiting.

She said nothing for a long moment, only gave him a languid smirk as she lay a palm on his heaving plastron.

Inwardly, he shivered at the unwanted touch, and found it more sickening than the most brutal punch.

Her fingers stopped their incessant tapping, but her hand still lay draped across his chest. He tensed in helpless rage, trembling as he glared around the room.

It was a large, white room, with a row of ominous looking metal cabinets, and several trays littered with what looked like surgical instruments.

"Where in the hell am I? Where did you take me?" Leo demanded as Karai only hitched a shoulder.

"It is a fitting place for you to die, Leonardo. You have sent several of my men here over the years. You are now in the morgue."

Leo shut his eyes, and breathed out, struggling to restrain the storm that was brewing in his gut.

"If you intended to kill me, you would have done it by now. You've had several chances, so why are you leaving me _alive? If you're going to kill me, do it and be done with it!"_

Karai shook her head, her chuckle cutting as shards of glass. She gave Leo a choked, brittle chuckle, and a smirk that did not match the venom in her voice.

"You are unworthy of a quick and merciful death, Leonardo. Before I kill you-and rest assured, I will-I will break you in every way imaginable, until there is nothing left of you for your pathetic family to salvage."


End file.
